- Note From An Alienated Dad
- PA for DUMMIES
- Parental Alienation
- Main Alienators
- Alienated Children Speak out
- 3 VIDEOS explain PA
- Cross Country Parental Alienation Awareness Tour
- I CAN'T BE A FATHER
- Recent Articles
- An Alienated Child's View
- FACEBOOK posts
- Alienacion Parental (Spanish)
- The Rejected/ Targeted Parent
- Books on PAS
- Memories of a Monster
- Judge Gorcyca: PA most devastating Issue
- Infamous Alienators
- Kick Parental Alienation's @$$
- Women vs PA
- The Step Parent
- Videos: Parents Speak out
- A New Hope
- I Am The Alienator
- It Happens To Moms Too
- Borrowed Content
- PA Movies to Watch
- Shared Parenting
- A Broken System
- San Bernardino Family Court
- Awareness in our Schools
- Law And Disorder
Anonymous Story of Parental Alienation
Parental Alienation is a very real problem -- I know, because my children are subjected to it all the time. As this article points out, it isn't always blatant: "Your Father is a good-for-nothing." It's an ongoing attack on the character and credibility of the other parent through subtle words and actions. In my case, I was falsely accused of abuse. It took a year of 730 evaluations and a ton of money to regain custody of my children.
The 730 report didn't find a single instance of abuse, and once the court gave me my share of custody, the subject was never raised again. Except with the children. They tell me repeatedly that their Mother tells them that I am an angry and abusive Father. That they just don't remember. She regularly asks them if I've hurt them. They are hurt and confused since they love both parents and relish the time they spend with each. But that hurt and confusion is the point of the Parental Alienation.
Anyone who deals with the family courts know that false allegations of violence are rampant. They are a fabulous tool to get ahead in divorce litigation. Similarly, anyone who has spent any time at all dealing with divorcing families knows that parents regularly try to influence their children in order to gain the upper hand. Failing to acknowledge and deal with these realities is tragic.
There are legitimate cases where abuse is real and the children should be separated from a parent. Dealing with abuse shelters is likely to place you front and center in these cases. But these are not the only cases where abuse is alleged and parental alienation is perpetrated. It is an extremely common gambit in contested divorce cases, and that makes them very common indeed.
Many of the commentors here seem to think that Parental Alienation amounts to a "false accusation." They are adamant that false accusation is wrong, and yet they have no compunction at all about allowing false accusations of abuse. Yes, it must be awful having to defend oneself against a false claim of PAS; probably just as awful as having to defend against a false accusation of abuse. But instead of acknowledging the possible parallel, they rail on about the danger of false PAS allegations while ignoring, even outright supporting, the practice of false abuse allegations. Both are wrongheaded -- false allegations are an abuse of the system. True domestic violence and abuse are also a scourge that should be dealt with very seriously. But by the same token PAS is a real issue that should be similarly taken seriously.
To my ear, the argument against PAS are the same arguments that were raised several decades by opponents of new domestic violence laws. The abuse is overhyped; there already are systems in place to deal with abuse; there are only a few really egregious cases and the rest are just smoke and mirrors used by an overzealous feminist movement. Well, ironically those same arguments are now being raised against PAS: there is not real science behind PAS; it is overhyped; there are only a few really egregious cases and the rest are just smoke and mirrors used by an overzealous fathers' movement.
Maybe its time the rhetoric were replaced with a dose of reality: in divorce cases PAS occurs all the time. Only in a few cases is it blatant and truly abusive. But the rest of the time it is harmful to the children. If the courts are really interested in "the best interests of the children" then parental alienation would be discouraged not swept under the rug, as AB 612 would have us do.