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What is Parental Alienation?
Parental Alienation:
~When one parent either with their words or actions interferes with the relationship of the targeted parent and their child. It is a form of programming or brainwashing that results in a child unjustifiably rejecting the targeted parent and the targeted parent's side of the family.
~A form of emotional child abuse where a custodial parent belittles or vilifies the other parent to the child in an attempt to destroy the once loving relationship between the child and targeted parent.
Parental Alienation Legal Definition:
A form of emotional child abuse where a custodial parent belittles or vilifies the other parent to the child. (Duhaime.org » Legal Dictionary)
~When one parent either with their words or actions interferes with the relationship of the targeted parent and their child. It is a form of programming or brainwashing that results in a child unjustifiably rejecting the targeted parent and the targeted parent's side of the family.
~A form of emotional child abuse where a custodial parent belittles or vilifies the other parent to the child in an attempt to destroy the once loving relationship between the child and targeted parent.
Parental Alienation Legal Definition:
A form of emotional child abuse where a custodial parent belittles or vilifies the other parent to the child. (Duhaime.org » Legal Dictionary)
Parental Alienation is a form of psychological abuse. It has long term ramifications which a child may carry with them for all of their life. This highly dysfunctional family dynamic is carried down through generations.
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What is Parental Alienation Syndrome
By Cathy Meyer, About.com Parental Alienation Syndrome is the deliberate attempt by one parent to distance his/her children from the other parent. The motivation is to destroy the parental bond between his/her children with the other parent. The alienation process develops over time and some of the symptoms of the syndrome include some or all of the following: |
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A parent will speak badly of or criticize the other parent directly to the child or children. Negative statements about the other parent may be direct or indirect. For instance, the parent may say, “We can’t afford a new dress for the school dance because your father/mother decided to spend the money on vacation with their new friend.” A more direct comment would be, “your father/mother left because he/she didn’t care enough about you to try and make the marriage work.” Either statement is meant to cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent. It is an attempt to use the child to get back at the other parent for causing emotional pain.
A parent will speak badly of the other parent within the hearing range of the child or children. There are parents who say they would never say anything negative to their child or children about the other parent. They don’t seem to have any problem saying negative things to other people though and if their child or children happen to be within hearing distance the better. These people hold themselves up as a “good person.” They want to instill anger in their children toward the other parent without looking bad. It’s easy to say they had no idea the child was listening so they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions. I like to say they are being very aggressive in a passive way.
A parent will make the child privy to the details of the divorce and the ongoing conflict between the parents. They discuss financial problems brought on by the divorce. Make the child aware of legal issues that are ongoing and make it appear that if it weren’t for dad or mom their life would be easier.Not only can this cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent it can also cause the child to feel responsible for your situation and want to take on responsibilities that are not theirs.
A parent will use body language to communicate their dislike of the other parent. The child may witness dad/mom roll their eyes or shake their head at something the other parent did or said. Such body language sends a negative message without a word being spoken. Children are smart and know that a roll of the eyes is a dismissive gesture. One clearly meant to send the message that the other parent is stupid or wrong in some way.
Refusing to be around the other parent or to co – parent with them sends the child a negative message also. Children may be told that their dad/mom is always angry and the other parent doesn’t want to be around the anger. The other parent might not be angry at all but, such accusations can cause a child to have unfounded hard feelings toward the other parent.
A parent may go as far as accusing the other parent of sexual, physical or emotional abuse. If you have, small children who are not yet able to communicate exactly what has happened such accusations can be very dangerous to the child/parent relationship. They may also have severe legal consequences. If a child is too small to talk and communicate what happened you should insist on a medical examination and an evaluation by a psychiatrist is you suspect abuse. If the child is old enough to speak for themselves and communicates to you that they have been abused then it is your responsibility to help them hold the other parent responsible.
Children who have to live with the unresovled conflict and anger of their parents suffer tremendously. Add to the normal stress of separation and divorce the feeling that the child should choose between the parents and you can cause damage that lasts a lifetime. A child is powerless when it comes to ending the conflict he/she is witnessing. They may feel that if they make a choice it will lessen the conflict they have to live with. One parent can cost their child the other parent and their only motivation is revenge, fear, anger or jealousy. It’s a terrible price for children to have to pay in an attempt to assuage a parent’s feelings.
It is imperative that parents be willing to parent cooperatively, that they put their child’s needs first and that their only concern is their child’s sense of security.
From About.com
A parent will speak badly of the other parent within the hearing range of the child or children. There are parents who say they would never say anything negative to their child or children about the other parent. They don’t seem to have any problem saying negative things to other people though and if their child or children happen to be within hearing distance the better. These people hold themselves up as a “good person.” They want to instill anger in their children toward the other parent without looking bad. It’s easy to say they had no idea the child was listening so they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions. I like to say they are being very aggressive in a passive way.
A parent will make the child privy to the details of the divorce and the ongoing conflict between the parents. They discuss financial problems brought on by the divorce. Make the child aware of legal issues that are ongoing and make it appear that if it weren’t for dad or mom their life would be easier.Not only can this cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent it can also cause the child to feel responsible for your situation and want to take on responsibilities that are not theirs.
A parent will use body language to communicate their dislike of the other parent. The child may witness dad/mom roll their eyes or shake their head at something the other parent did or said. Such body language sends a negative message without a word being spoken. Children are smart and know that a roll of the eyes is a dismissive gesture. One clearly meant to send the message that the other parent is stupid or wrong in some way.
Refusing to be around the other parent or to co – parent with them sends the child a negative message also. Children may be told that their dad/mom is always angry and the other parent doesn’t want to be around the anger. The other parent might not be angry at all but, such accusations can cause a child to have unfounded hard feelings toward the other parent.
A parent may go as far as accusing the other parent of sexual, physical or emotional abuse. If you have, small children who are not yet able to communicate exactly what has happened such accusations can be very dangerous to the child/parent relationship. They may also have severe legal consequences. If a child is too small to talk and communicate what happened you should insist on a medical examination and an evaluation by a psychiatrist is you suspect abuse. If the child is old enough to speak for themselves and communicates to you that they have been abused then it is your responsibility to help them hold the other parent responsible.
Children who have to live with the unresovled conflict and anger of their parents suffer tremendously. Add to the normal stress of separation and divorce the feeling that the child should choose between the parents and you can cause damage that lasts a lifetime. A child is powerless when it comes to ending the conflict he/she is witnessing. They may feel that if they make a choice it will lessen the conflict they have to live with. One parent can cost their child the other parent and their only motivation is revenge, fear, anger or jealousy. It’s a terrible price for children to have to pay in an attempt to assuage a parent’s feelings.
It is imperative that parents be willing to parent cooperatively, that they put their child’s needs first and that their only concern is their child’s sense of security.
From About.com
Additional definitions
In a 2007 Ontario case, CS v MS, Justice Perkins recognized not only the devastating effect of parental alienation but also the complexities it presents to the court:
"Children who are subject to the parental alienation syndrome (I will call them PAS children) are very powerful in their views of the non-alienating parent. The views are almost exclusively negative, to the point that the parent is demonized and seen as evil....
"PAS children feel empowered and are rewarded for attacking the other parents and feel no remorse or shame for doing so.
"PAS children have a knee jerk, reflexive response to support the alienator against the targeted parent, often on the basis of minimal evidence or justification. PAS children broaden their attacks to encompass members of the other parent’s extended family.
"PAS children are recruited by the alienating parent and alienated siblings to the alienating parent’s cause.
"With PAS children, you cannot be sure who you are listening to – is it the child (or) is it the alienating parent?"
In a 2007 Ontario case, CS v MS, Justice Perkins recognized not only the devastating effect of parental alienation but also the complexities it presents to the court:
"Children who are subject to the parental alienation syndrome (I will call them PAS children) are very powerful in their views of the non-alienating parent. The views are almost exclusively negative, to the point that the parent is demonized and seen as evil....
"PAS children feel empowered and are rewarded for attacking the other parents and feel no remorse or shame for doing so.
"PAS children have a knee jerk, reflexive response to support the alienator against the targeted parent, often on the basis of minimal evidence or justification. PAS children broaden their attacks to encompass members of the other parent’s extended family.
"PAS children are recruited by the alienating parent and alienated siblings to the alienating parent’s cause.
"With PAS children, you cannot be sure who you are listening to – is it the child (or) is it the alienating parent?"
From: Group Estranged parents of adult children
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/estranged-parents-of-adult-children-seeking-peace/discussions/messages/13756684
Quotes Re: Parental Alienation (PAS)
Posted on 02/16/12, 09:26 am
I found these on Twitter this morning and thought I would share them for those on here that are in this kind of situation. Can you relate to these quotes? If so, in what way? Others may benefit by your experiences with PAS.
QUOTES:
1- Of the approximately one third of divorces, that do not evolve into effective co-parenting, a subset deteriorates into parental alienation. In these instances, one of the parents persistently alienates his or her children from the other parent. Alienated children react to their parents in absolute terms of “black and white.” They regard the alienating parent as all things good and virtuous. The parent from whom they are alienated, however, is considered despicable beyond any hope of changing his or her ways. Alienated children are well aware of the animosity with which the alienating parent reacts to the alienated parent. In turn, the children blindly align themselves with the alienating parent. While doing so, they also uncritically adopt the agenda of the alienating parent. (Campbell, 2005)
2- Although there may be some kernel of truth to the child’s complains and allegations about the rejected parent, the child’s grossly negative views and feelings are significantly distorted and exaggerated reactions. Thus, this unusual development is a pathological response. It is a severe distortion on the child’s parent of the previous parent-child relationship. These youngsters go far beyond an alignment in the intensity, breadth, and ferocity of their behaviors toward the parent they are rejecting. (Johnston, 2001)
3- “PAS successfully gained the recognition of Florida’s 13th Circuit Court by passing The Frye Test1 on November 22, 2000 (Gardner, 2002). Subsequently, in 2002, an equivalent test in Israel’s Supreme Court gave PAS recognition (PAS Network, 2002). On August 9, 2002, PAS passed the Mohan Test in Canada (PAS Network). This test is the equivalent to The Frye Test in the United States. However, the Mohan Test is known to be more stringent. The four point criteria for a theory to be admissible in Canadian’s courts according to the Mohan Test follow:
1. It must be relevant.
2. It must be necessary to assist the court.
3. It must be allowable in court pursuant to the rules of evidence.
4. There must be a properly qualified expert available to assist the court. (Rueda, 2004)
4- In some cases favored parents accept trivial complaints as sufficient explanation for the child’s alienation either because they do not think objectively about their ex-spouse or because they welcome their child’s negative attitudes toward the ex-spouse. In other cases a parent or examiner assumes that trivial complaints mask severe mistreatment that the child is too scared, inhibited, or immature to articulate. In some cases this assumption may be warranted, but it does not account for children who, in the absence of any direct contact, develop an aversion to relatives with whom they previously had a loving relationship. (Warshak, 2003)
**************************************************************************
I am heartened by the fact that the courts are taking this travesty much more seriously today than in the past.
Hope all is well with you today!
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/estranged-parents-of-adult-children-seeking-peace/discussions/messages/13756684
Quotes Re: Parental Alienation (PAS)
Posted on 02/16/12, 09:26 am
I found these on Twitter this morning and thought I would share them for those on here that are in this kind of situation. Can you relate to these quotes? If so, in what way? Others may benefit by your experiences with PAS.
QUOTES:
1- Of the approximately one third of divorces, that do not evolve into effective co-parenting, a subset deteriorates into parental alienation. In these instances, one of the parents persistently alienates his or her children from the other parent. Alienated children react to their parents in absolute terms of “black and white.” They regard the alienating parent as all things good and virtuous. The parent from whom they are alienated, however, is considered despicable beyond any hope of changing his or her ways. Alienated children are well aware of the animosity with which the alienating parent reacts to the alienated parent. In turn, the children blindly align themselves with the alienating parent. While doing so, they also uncritically adopt the agenda of the alienating parent. (Campbell, 2005)
2- Although there may be some kernel of truth to the child’s complains and allegations about the rejected parent, the child’s grossly negative views and feelings are significantly distorted and exaggerated reactions. Thus, this unusual development is a pathological response. It is a severe distortion on the child’s parent of the previous parent-child relationship. These youngsters go far beyond an alignment in the intensity, breadth, and ferocity of their behaviors toward the parent they are rejecting. (Johnston, 2001)
3- “PAS successfully gained the recognition of Florida’s 13th Circuit Court by passing The Frye Test1 on November 22, 2000 (Gardner, 2002). Subsequently, in 2002, an equivalent test in Israel’s Supreme Court gave PAS recognition (PAS Network, 2002). On August 9, 2002, PAS passed the Mohan Test in Canada (PAS Network). This test is the equivalent to The Frye Test in the United States. However, the Mohan Test is known to be more stringent. The four point criteria for a theory to be admissible in Canadian’s courts according to the Mohan Test follow:
1. It must be relevant.
2. It must be necessary to assist the court.
3. It must be allowable in court pursuant to the rules of evidence.
4. There must be a properly qualified expert available to assist the court. (Rueda, 2004)
4- In some cases favored parents accept trivial complaints as sufficient explanation for the child’s alienation either because they do not think objectively about their ex-spouse or because they welcome their child’s negative attitudes toward the ex-spouse. In other cases a parent or examiner assumes that trivial complaints mask severe mistreatment that the child is too scared, inhibited, or immature to articulate. In some cases this assumption may be warranted, but it does not account for children who, in the absence of any direct contact, develop an aversion to relatives with whom they previously had a loving relationship. (Warshak, 2003)
**************************************************************************
I am heartened by the fact that the courts are taking this travesty much more seriously today than in the past.
Hope all is well with you today!