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Note From an Alienated Dad
by Joe R. Barrow, MFTt, an alienated father
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Meet our family: The Barrow Family
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It’s difficult to know where to start, so I will say this to fellow alienated parents. My story is so much like yours it's eerie. I know it is because I have heard the pain and frustration in your voices and I have read about them in your posts and comments. The tales you tell of the insidiousness of this form of child abuse are heartbreaking. I can relate to it so well. I have also battled endlessly only to suffer setback after setback, with the occasional gain, then a glint of hope, that eventually, incomprehensibly, manages to get lost and discarded in the sea of absurdity. I too have felt like I am in a lost episode of the Twilight Zone, except more horrific because it is real.
So yes, I know your pain. But Twilight Zone, horror, parental alienation, setback, all these things I can handle. I have a beautiful wife and children at home. I have my support group, my outlook and my faith. Sure, I break down, how could I not. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love our daughters. I joked with a friend I ran into at the court house that I have lost it while I was plugging away on the elliptical at Anytime Fitness, little does she know that I wasn't kidding. I think that at least one of the trainers there, who saw tears streaming down my face while I was doing my cardio, is concerned that I may be working out too hard. But this is a staple of Parental Alienation; it is parents, grandparents and siblings suffering silently the effects of the most horrific type of child abuse that you have never heard of. (Story continues below) |
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Note from an Alienated Dad (cont)...
To everyone else, I want to start by saying this: To truly know the nightmare that my wife and I are going through you would have had to experience it, but I would not wish this upon anyone, not even the person who is to blame for causing it. But in sharing my personal experience, what I have learned and what I have documented, I hope to bring some much needed awareness to this issue.
One of the things I hear often when someone is talking about their experience with parental alienation is that you can't write this stuff. It is a fact that this is so much stranger than fiction it's almost unbelievable. Our story will floor you, and hopefully bring awareness enough to move you to action. Even if its just moving you to talk about it, sign a petition, or something as simple as writing a letter to a legislator. Its a step forward and would be much appreciated.
To everyone else, I want to start by saying this: To truly know the nightmare that my wife and I are going through you would have had to experience it, but I would not wish this upon anyone, not even the person who is to blame for causing it. But in sharing my personal experience, what I have learned and what I have documented, I hope to bring some much needed awareness to this issue.
One of the things I hear often when someone is talking about their experience with parental alienation is that you can't write this stuff. It is a fact that this is so much stranger than fiction it's almost unbelievable. Our story will floor you, and hopefully bring awareness enough to move you to action. Even if its just moving you to talk about it, sign a petition, or something as simple as writing a letter to a legislator. Its a step forward and would be much appreciated.
What this website is about
This website will have two parts: one that will deal with parental alienation and what it is, how it happens and what type of person does this to a child; the other part will be the telling and sharing of our story.
It takes more than just one disturbed parent to completely alienate a child from a loving parent. On this site, we hope to show, with actual examples, how the family law system, the mental health field and even family or friends--with good intent or bad-- can move the alienation process into completion.
I have been told that we have one of the best documented cases of what happens in the alienation process. Not just the detestable role that the alienator plays but also how an incompetent therapist can do great harm, a duped family member can be manipulated into helping, and finally, how our family law system is set up to fail the loving parent.
All the information, examples of actual alienating behavior, e-mail, texts, voice-mails, audio and video recordings will be disseminated here: The Documented Case
It has been hard on our family
I do struggle with this. It is hard to cope and to deal with. But, somehow I manage to deal with it and for that I am grateful. The hardest time, when I have to really fight to hold back the tears and mostly fail, is when I notice one of our other three daughters in our home hesitate before mentioning their sister's name. They have lost a sister as well, though we instill hope in them that its only a matter of time before we see her again. Our other children at home seem very happy and well-adjusted, yet I wonder how Malia, Jaida, and Sophie are really doing with not being allowed to see their big sister.
Malia looked up to her the most, they were the closest in age, but she has recently stopped wearing her hair like her older sister. Jaida, who would cry quietly every time we dropped her sister back off at her mothers, seems oblivious to what is going on which is great. But even she will ask for her now and again. Sophie has just recently stopped calling out for her in her sleep. But she is so in tune with me that she seems to know somehow when I am really struggling and is doubly affectionate towards me at those times. She seems to know what I love and what I need and holds me longer than usual. They haven't seen their sister in months or spent any significant amount of time with their older sister in over 6 months. I know they all miss their her. How could they not?
Keeping a sense of normalcy in our home
The good thing is that they are so distracted with life, that they are happy. To keep it that way, my wife and I don't bring up their sister too often. When she does comes up, we address it and then reframe things in a positive light. Eventually, we will include them in the therapy that my wife and I attend. Our therapist is amazing and is very familiar with what we are going through (Thank God), although I wish she would be more optimistic about the outcome. I know she is preparing us for the worst, for the reality that Parental Alienation doesn't end favorably for the loving parent. She says that she has seen well-prepared cases and documented custodial interference go ignored by fellow therapist and judges.
In the long and short run, my wife and I will be okay and because we are good parents, and nothing like Christy how portrays us, our girls will be as well.
This website will have two parts: one that will deal with parental alienation and what it is, how it happens and what type of person does this to a child; the other part will be the telling and sharing of our story.
It takes more than just one disturbed parent to completely alienate a child from a loving parent. On this site, we hope to show, with actual examples, how the family law system, the mental health field and even family or friends--with good intent or bad-- can move the alienation process into completion.
I have been told that we have one of the best documented cases of what happens in the alienation process. Not just the detestable role that the alienator plays but also how an incompetent therapist can do great harm, a duped family member can be manipulated into helping, and finally, how our family law system is set up to fail the loving parent.
All the information, examples of actual alienating behavior, e-mail, texts, voice-mails, audio and video recordings will be disseminated here: The Documented Case
It has been hard on our family
I do struggle with this. It is hard to cope and to deal with. But, somehow I manage to deal with it and for that I am grateful. The hardest time, when I have to really fight to hold back the tears and mostly fail, is when I notice one of our other three daughters in our home hesitate before mentioning their sister's name. They have lost a sister as well, though we instill hope in them that its only a matter of time before we see her again. Our other children at home seem very happy and well-adjusted, yet I wonder how Malia, Jaida, and Sophie are really doing with not being allowed to see their big sister.
Malia looked up to her the most, they were the closest in age, but she has recently stopped wearing her hair like her older sister. Jaida, who would cry quietly every time we dropped her sister back off at her mothers, seems oblivious to what is going on which is great. But even she will ask for her now and again. Sophie has just recently stopped calling out for her in her sleep. But she is so in tune with me that she seems to know somehow when I am really struggling and is doubly affectionate towards me at those times. She seems to know what I love and what I need and holds me longer than usual. They haven't seen their sister in months or spent any significant amount of time with their older sister in over 6 months. I know they all miss their her. How could they not?
Keeping a sense of normalcy in our home
The good thing is that they are so distracted with life, that they are happy. To keep it that way, my wife and I don't bring up their sister too often. When she does comes up, we address it and then reframe things in a positive light. Eventually, we will include them in the therapy that my wife and I attend. Our therapist is amazing and is very familiar with what we are going through (Thank God), although I wish she would be more optimistic about the outcome. I know she is preparing us for the worst, for the reality that Parental Alienation doesn't end favorably for the loving parent. She says that she has seen well-prepared cases and documented custodial interference go ignored by fellow therapist and judges.
In the long and short run, my wife and I will be okay and because we are good parents, and nothing like Christy how portrays us, our girls will be as well.
Our concern is our alienated daughter.
"I guess I will have to take my chances." My ex-wife, Christy Garrison when I explained how this could backfire on her.
The damage that is done to an alienated child is horrendous and well-documented in the research, literature, and, tragically, in the lives of the alienated child. Imagine not only having to go without a loving parent but also being forced to loathe that parent. What damage is worse than that which you perpetuate on a child's soul? Our children want to love us.
When I pleaded with my ex-wife about the eventual ramifications, the damage that could be done by her actions, and how it may even backfire on her, Christy's response was, "I guess I will have to take my chances." This is her mother. She is so full of hatred (or love some say) for me that she refuses to step back and look at the damage that she is doing. But, I don't blame her any more than I blame our daughter. Her history is very telling. (See Genogram)
What damage is worse than that which any one would cause to a child's soul? And doesn’t it make it doubly worse if it is done by their parent? How horrific! If this happens once to a child's it has happened too often. Regrettably, this happen all the time. Where is the outrage?
I have seen the damage as it was being done.
As a loving father this is what I struggle with the most; that I didn’t react expediently or forcefully enough to save our daughter and our relationship. And now I find myself fighting an uphill, and perhaps, unwinnable battle.
I have seen a mother’s reactive actions and words signal a child that it was preferred that the full force of her love for the other parent not be displayed so affectionately in her presence, and immediately, I felt our child loosen her embrace on me. It was so subtle and it took nothing away from us at the that moment-or so I thought. She still loved me and I loved her. Her embrace and love for me was still so real. So, I made the mistake of saying nothing and doing nothing.
Just like I said nothing when her mother dismissed a planter that a I had painted for our daughter with a wave of her hand and a slight look of disgust.
"You can leave that here," she said. I waited to hear the words that follow so often, "You're not bringing that to your real home." But everything else that was meaningful, of value, or sentiment (all trophies, awards, clothing, pictures, report cards) was to be kept at her "real" home according to Christy. (see You can keep the Trophies blog)
Nor did I say something when, in an odd show of affection, her mother would hold our daughter for overly extended periods when it came time for her our daughter to leave with me.
I remained quiet on many other occasions where either with her words or behavior, Christy suggested that I was less than equal in importance as a parent to our daughter or even somehow, inexplicably, a threat to her safety.
I remained quiet for the sake of keeping the peace with a mother who has a tendency to get volatile. I dismissed these slights as simple ignorance on Christy's part. I was naive in thinking that nothing could possibly damage or have a negative effect on the strong relationship that I had with our daughter.
Some have counselled me, after the fact, that perhaps I should have been more assertive when it came to Christy's alienating behavior. I agree. Then again, look at what happens when I do stand my ground---complete alienation from our daughter. Christy has done this before when she feels there is a perceived slight, she will threaten another parent's removal from their children's lives using the courts system to do it. She calls it going to battle. "You want to go to battle, we'll go to battle... but remember...my daughter is old enough to decide," her threats still echo in my mind. The fact that she would use our daughter against me disturbs me to now end.
I also saw a mother, who was not as emotionally available to begin with, with-hold affection and instill guilt in her own daughter when she dared reciprocated the love, respect, and affection that her daughter had received from her step-mother. A woman--a mother--who stepped in and filled a void. That step-mother has now been discarded as well. The only thing left besides the memories of a perfect, yes perfect, relationship are the loving texts and e-mails. The exchanges that were once so overwhelmingly heartwarming are now heartbreaking. One of them is so telling, our child asks of her step-mom, “thank you so much i love you much and why are you so nice to me?...”
What’s missing when a child has to ask someone who loves them and shows affection, why they are so nice to them as if there is an ulterior motive.
"I am nice to you because I LOVE YOU!!!!!" was her step-mom's response.
It was shortly after that when our daughter asked us, in tears if she could come live with us.
What I am Prepared To Do
My contribution in life besides being everything I can be to my family, will be to do what I can to bring attention to Parental Alienation.
I wish to make this a comprehensive website, a place where targeted parents, targeted children, as well as the alienating parent, can get some help and support.
But I also want it to be more than that. Much more.
This website will have examples of real life alienating behavior. I have spent the last 2 1/2 years documenting, video-recording, audio-recording and have saved hundreds of texts, e-mails, voice-mails of alienating and other disturbing behavior. I plan on publishing them all here for them to be shared, analyzed, and compared. Again, it is one of the best documented cases of parental alienation. In a conversation with a respected therapist, we were told that we have been too quiet about our experience.
It is time to share.
What is happening to our family is horrific, it is a convoluted nightmare.
Based on the way the court system works, or more accurately, how it doesn't work in these cases, and from what I know about others who are going through this, I know this much to be true: this doesn't end well for me.
At this time in our society, with this family court system in place it rarely ends well for the loving parent who is the target of parental alienation. It doesn't end well for my supportive wife either, who has embraced her step-daughter as her own. It doesn't end well for our other 3 daughters at home who have always looked up to and love their big sister. They miss their sister dearly, but rarely ask about her anymore.
No. Parental Alienation doesn’t end well for the loving family...but it ends tragically for our alienated daughter.
I could use this space to enumerate all the different ways that this is detrimental for a child, or you can use your imagination and common sense and ask your self what could be going on inside a child who is forced to hate a parent when every cell in her body, her very soul, was created to love both her parents unconditionally. Not to mention that by being forced to loathe one parent, she is then being forced to hate a part of herself and all this at the risk of losing the affection of the alienating parent whom the child also loves and depends on.
My family and I have an incredible support group of friends and family. We have our faith. We have our sense of justice, insight, and a belief that all things, good or bad, happen for a reason. Most of all we have each other. We continue to be strong and we will be okay.
What is truly heartbreaking is what our alienated daughter is going through. Imagine having to live the rest of your life where you have to hate one of the two people that you are most innately and naturally wired to love unconditionally. Now imagine that as a child you have been encouraged-- at the threat of losing the emotional affection of one parent-- to disparage, denigrate, and lie about the other parent. It's a horrific situation to have to be in.
In the mental health field it is what is referred to as a double bind; a no-win situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. It is crazy-making situation in a literal and figurative sense.
When I think about how this is happening to our daughter, I have to stop at that point. It breaks my heart to think about her tortured soul. Her heart desires to love both parents, but she isn't allowed to do so without the risk of being perceived as being disloyal to her mother and older sister, Kaylee (see Psychologist Report) and possibly having affection withheld from a person she is dependent on for love and support.
So, what do you do?
TAKING ACTION
I want this website to be about taking action against all aspects of parental alienation. I told myself a while ago and have to remind myself often that I am not a victim. I am not a victim.
I have made up my mind to further this cause, this fight against this insidious form of abuse in any way possible on as many fronts as possible.
The alienation process isn't only about one disturbed parent. It isn't only about a programmed and manipulated child. Nor is it only about the ill-informed and mis-guided social worker, the under-experienced therapists, or our failed family law system. It isn't even about the extended family members or friends who “don’t want to get involved," or worst, the duped, relative who is convinced she is doing good by conspiring with the alienating parent.
It is about all of the above.
It is only by addressing all of these things that we may begin to make a difference. As of right now I am committing to making a difference.
ALL OF THE ABOVE
No one, vindictive, malicious parent can completely alienate a child without the help of one or more of the above to validate or embolden the alienating parent; by bolstering the alienator’s agenda either with words or actions, or God-forbid, making it "official" by reporting a distorted or inaccurate assessment on paper. No, one piece makes up the complete picture of the parental alienation puzzle.
This website is to address parental alienation and all the pieces that contribute to the alienation puzzle. From the disturbed parent, and the process of recruiting unwitting co-alienators; to the mediators and judges who contribute and, eventually, help solidify the alienation of a loving parent from their children.
Again, In the process, I plan on sharing my personal story of parental alienation.
In my story you will find a well-documented case with over 21/2 years of documentation and material evidence where you will read, see, and hear the actual words of an alienating parent, mediator's reports, and other documentation.
But the most heart-wrenching evidence that I will share with you is the actual transformation of a once loving, respectful daughter’s natural love to that of the hatred, disrespect, and loathing that is the staple of a programmed child.
In a child’s voice you will hear--and I believe feel--the profound love and affection that comes from once having a strong and loving bond with her father. In a child’s un-natural voice you will then hear the programmed hate taught by a parent whose own issues keep her blindly unaware of the havoc that she is inflicting in her own children’s lives.
I will call her April.
This is the sound of her voice:
"I guess I will have to take my chances." My ex-wife, Christy Garrison when I explained how this could backfire on her.
The damage that is done to an alienated child is horrendous and well-documented in the research, literature, and, tragically, in the lives of the alienated child. Imagine not only having to go without a loving parent but also being forced to loathe that parent. What damage is worse than that which you perpetuate on a child's soul? Our children want to love us.
When I pleaded with my ex-wife about the eventual ramifications, the damage that could be done by her actions, and how it may even backfire on her, Christy's response was, "I guess I will have to take my chances." This is her mother. She is so full of hatred (or love some say) for me that she refuses to step back and look at the damage that she is doing. But, I don't blame her any more than I blame our daughter. Her history is very telling. (See Genogram)
What damage is worse than that which any one would cause to a child's soul? And doesn’t it make it doubly worse if it is done by their parent? How horrific! If this happens once to a child's it has happened too often. Regrettably, this happen all the time. Where is the outrage?
I have seen the damage as it was being done.
As a loving father this is what I struggle with the most; that I didn’t react expediently or forcefully enough to save our daughter and our relationship. And now I find myself fighting an uphill, and perhaps, unwinnable battle.
I have seen a mother’s reactive actions and words signal a child that it was preferred that the full force of her love for the other parent not be displayed so affectionately in her presence, and immediately, I felt our child loosen her embrace on me. It was so subtle and it took nothing away from us at the that moment-or so I thought. She still loved me and I loved her. Her embrace and love for me was still so real. So, I made the mistake of saying nothing and doing nothing.
Just like I said nothing when her mother dismissed a planter that a I had painted for our daughter with a wave of her hand and a slight look of disgust.
"You can leave that here," she said. I waited to hear the words that follow so often, "You're not bringing that to your real home." But everything else that was meaningful, of value, or sentiment (all trophies, awards, clothing, pictures, report cards) was to be kept at her "real" home according to Christy. (see You can keep the Trophies blog)
Nor did I say something when, in an odd show of affection, her mother would hold our daughter for overly extended periods when it came time for her our daughter to leave with me.
I remained quiet on many other occasions where either with her words or behavior, Christy suggested that I was less than equal in importance as a parent to our daughter or even somehow, inexplicably, a threat to her safety.
I remained quiet for the sake of keeping the peace with a mother who has a tendency to get volatile. I dismissed these slights as simple ignorance on Christy's part. I was naive in thinking that nothing could possibly damage or have a negative effect on the strong relationship that I had with our daughter.
Some have counselled me, after the fact, that perhaps I should have been more assertive when it came to Christy's alienating behavior. I agree. Then again, look at what happens when I do stand my ground---complete alienation from our daughter. Christy has done this before when she feels there is a perceived slight, she will threaten another parent's removal from their children's lives using the courts system to do it. She calls it going to battle. "You want to go to battle, we'll go to battle... but remember...my daughter is old enough to decide," her threats still echo in my mind. The fact that she would use our daughter against me disturbs me to now end.
I also saw a mother, who was not as emotionally available to begin with, with-hold affection and instill guilt in her own daughter when she dared reciprocated the love, respect, and affection that her daughter had received from her step-mother. A woman--a mother--who stepped in and filled a void. That step-mother has now been discarded as well. The only thing left besides the memories of a perfect, yes perfect, relationship are the loving texts and e-mails. The exchanges that were once so overwhelmingly heartwarming are now heartbreaking. One of them is so telling, our child asks of her step-mom, “thank you so much i love you much and why are you so nice to me?...”
What’s missing when a child has to ask someone who loves them and shows affection, why they are so nice to them as if there is an ulterior motive.
"I am nice to you because I LOVE YOU!!!!!" was her step-mom's response.
It was shortly after that when our daughter asked us, in tears if she could come live with us.
What I am Prepared To Do
My contribution in life besides being everything I can be to my family, will be to do what I can to bring attention to Parental Alienation.
I wish to make this a comprehensive website, a place where targeted parents, targeted children, as well as the alienating parent, can get some help and support.
But I also want it to be more than that. Much more.
This website will have examples of real life alienating behavior. I have spent the last 2 1/2 years documenting, video-recording, audio-recording and have saved hundreds of texts, e-mails, voice-mails of alienating and other disturbing behavior. I plan on publishing them all here for them to be shared, analyzed, and compared. Again, it is one of the best documented cases of parental alienation. In a conversation with a respected therapist, we were told that we have been too quiet about our experience.
It is time to share.
What is happening to our family is horrific, it is a convoluted nightmare.
Based on the way the court system works, or more accurately, how it doesn't work in these cases, and from what I know about others who are going through this, I know this much to be true: this doesn't end well for me.
At this time in our society, with this family court system in place it rarely ends well for the loving parent who is the target of parental alienation. It doesn't end well for my supportive wife either, who has embraced her step-daughter as her own. It doesn't end well for our other 3 daughters at home who have always looked up to and love their big sister. They miss their sister dearly, but rarely ask about her anymore.
No. Parental Alienation doesn’t end well for the loving family...but it ends tragically for our alienated daughter.
I could use this space to enumerate all the different ways that this is detrimental for a child, or you can use your imagination and common sense and ask your self what could be going on inside a child who is forced to hate a parent when every cell in her body, her very soul, was created to love both her parents unconditionally. Not to mention that by being forced to loathe one parent, she is then being forced to hate a part of herself and all this at the risk of losing the affection of the alienating parent whom the child also loves and depends on.
My family and I have an incredible support group of friends and family. We have our faith. We have our sense of justice, insight, and a belief that all things, good or bad, happen for a reason. Most of all we have each other. We continue to be strong and we will be okay.
What is truly heartbreaking is what our alienated daughter is going through. Imagine having to live the rest of your life where you have to hate one of the two people that you are most innately and naturally wired to love unconditionally. Now imagine that as a child you have been encouraged-- at the threat of losing the emotional affection of one parent-- to disparage, denigrate, and lie about the other parent. It's a horrific situation to have to be in.
In the mental health field it is what is referred to as a double bind; a no-win situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. It is crazy-making situation in a literal and figurative sense.
When I think about how this is happening to our daughter, I have to stop at that point. It breaks my heart to think about her tortured soul. Her heart desires to love both parents, but she isn't allowed to do so without the risk of being perceived as being disloyal to her mother and older sister, Kaylee (see Psychologist Report) and possibly having affection withheld from a person she is dependent on for love and support.
So, what do you do?
TAKING ACTION
I want this website to be about taking action against all aspects of parental alienation. I told myself a while ago and have to remind myself often that I am not a victim. I am not a victim.
I have made up my mind to further this cause, this fight against this insidious form of abuse in any way possible on as many fronts as possible.
The alienation process isn't only about one disturbed parent. It isn't only about a programmed and manipulated child. Nor is it only about the ill-informed and mis-guided social worker, the under-experienced therapists, or our failed family law system. It isn't even about the extended family members or friends who “don’t want to get involved," or worst, the duped, relative who is convinced she is doing good by conspiring with the alienating parent.
It is about all of the above.
It is only by addressing all of these things that we may begin to make a difference. As of right now I am committing to making a difference.
ALL OF THE ABOVE
No one, vindictive, malicious parent can completely alienate a child without the help of one or more of the above to validate or embolden the alienating parent; by bolstering the alienator’s agenda either with words or actions, or God-forbid, making it "official" by reporting a distorted or inaccurate assessment on paper. No, one piece makes up the complete picture of the parental alienation puzzle.
This website is to address parental alienation and all the pieces that contribute to the alienation puzzle. From the disturbed parent, and the process of recruiting unwitting co-alienators; to the mediators and judges who contribute and, eventually, help solidify the alienation of a loving parent from their children.
Again, In the process, I plan on sharing my personal story of parental alienation.
In my story you will find a well-documented case with over 21/2 years of documentation and material evidence where you will read, see, and hear the actual words of an alienating parent, mediator's reports, and other documentation.
But the most heart-wrenching evidence that I will share with you is the actual transformation of a once loving, respectful daughter’s natural love to that of the hatred, disrespect, and loathing that is the staple of a programmed child.
In a child’s voice you will hear--and I believe feel--the profound love and affection that comes from once having a strong and loving bond with her father. In a child’s un-natural voice you will then hear the programmed hate taught by a parent whose own issues keep her blindly unaware of the havoc that she is inflicting in her own children’s lives.
I will call her April.
This is the sound of her voice:
Two months later my ex-wife, Christine Garrison, called and said that our daughter didn't want anything to do with our family. She then handed our daughter the phone and had her echo the same words. Days later Christine filed an Ex Parte to remove ALL my parental rights. The emergency request was first dismissed by the judge with a hearing set for November 29, 2013. On October 26, three days before our mediation date, Christy Called Child Protective Services and filed false allegations which have since deemed unfounded. Still, on November 29, Commissioner Deborah Daniel ordered all my time with our daughter suspended and that I was not to call and "bug" her.
It has been a year since our family which include myself, my wife, and Megan's 3 little sisters have had any meaningful contact with Megan.
It has been a year since our family which include myself, my wife, and Megan's 3 little sisters have had any meaningful contact with Megan.
Megan and step-mom getting ready to go shopping
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Typical fun: Dog pile on dad...
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Megan and dad...
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