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Welcome to Ryan's story.
A very tragic but familiar story, nonetheless agony and torture for Ryan who has suffered the worst possible grief and loss. Loving fathers like Ryan are rarely a match compared to the Chronic Narcsissitic Parental Alienator. The system i.e family courts, lawyers, educators, politicians mediators and CSA legislation can often let down and fail children who are victims of PAS. The system is complicit in this abuse and are aiding the life time damage PAS can cause children. If you would like to contact Ryan use this contact page and I will forward on your comments. Please send me your story
A very loving and worried DAD I dont really know where to start, when my son was born I played a very active part in his life, bathing him, changing his nappies and putting him to bed. Shortly after he was born my ex partner and I split up, mainly due to her mother doing everything in her power to make it happen. My ex-partner did not see this coming. When we split up she said I will always be part of our sons life (how wrong was this going to be). I was 22 when we split and my son was 3 months old. 4 weeks later i had a text saying that I could not see him anymore and that was that. I was devastated. I took my ex partner ( who is a teacher and in my eyes should have more ethics and intelligence than she has ever shown) to court for access. The court awarded me access but it was 4 months before I got to see the love of my life again.
Once we got to court anything and everything possible bad was said about me, She claimed I hit him, I took drugs, I never bathed him and left him in dirty nappies and was not capable of looking after him and so on. These were false allegations and mean fabrications. The court gave me very good access but the problems did not stop. Over the next 3 years she desperately tried to alienate him from me and my family. I know she used to say nasty things about us because a couple of times he said things that a 3 years old little boy should not know about. I ignored her behaviour and concentrated on having a great time with my son doing as many cool things as possible. We went camping with friends and their children (my best friend and his son) we also went to euro disney. Last year I tried to build the bridges between me and my ex (for my sons sake) he was getting older now and I did not want him to see all of this badness between us. This was until she met her new man then it all went back to square one, the lies and the bad things she was saying to him like I will smack him if he comes to see me and I wont look after him again and i will shout at him.
In October last year, she started messing around with the court order making me miss a day here and a day there which I tried to ignore because I just could not face the fight in court again. In Febuary I got an e-mail from her saying that due to the fact she was now having a baby I could not have my easter time with him and there was nothing that I could do about it, sudenmly I was in a mess again, my Mum said I should go back to court. I did this and yet again got what i wanted (I have never been unreasonable about the contact I seeked) so I thought this would be the end of it. Now I work away and I came back this time on a friday and was going to pick my son up on the Sat when I got there she said he was not comming with me I explained that I had a court order and she could not do this, she shut the door on my face. I went to the police station and there is nothing they can do to enforce the court order so basically it is not worth the paper it is written on. I contacted my solicitor and she said we would get it in court on the Monday and get it sorted.
On the monday I contacted my solicitor and she said she had bad news for me that my son had been taken into hospital and was being seen by child Psychologists and social services as my ex partner has accused me of physical abuse towards my son. 6 weeks later I have not seen or spoke to my son, nobody will give me any information apart from I know that social service and child psychologist will have nothing to do with it. All this says to me is that it has all been fabricated by my ex partner because she has broken the court order yet again. Yet I am the one who will lose out while she sits there smiling until I can get to court in two months, the system is not good and something needs to be done to protect people like me from ex partners.
Meanwhile my health is deteriating rapidly as i can not eat or sleep, I have been told that my job is on the line as I can not conentrating and keep making mistakes because all I can think about is how my son is and what is going to happen next (what happens if the judge believes her, what happens if she turns my son against me) after 5 years of this emotional stress I am psychologically lost. I dont know if i am comming or going. I used to be the light of the party but now i am not half the person i used to be, I suffer from depression because of all this. Many 22 year olds would have just walked away but I stuck at it for the love of my son but at a great cost to myself and my personality and the people around me (my family especially) who have been by my side and have seen me at my lowest.
I wrote this just because I am at the end of my tether and just thought it may help me in some way. I know many other men go through this I just wanted to maybe hear the outcome of other peoples problems
UPDATE FROM RYAN
as far as I am concerned, yes Parental Alienation Syndrome does exist. Maybe some people would like to use another name for it. My son and I have a great bond but I had not seen him for a couple of weeks as I work away, the week before I was seeing him, I spoke to him on the phone and told him I missed him, his words back to me were "I miss you too daddy I have been praying to god that you will come home very soon". Yet when I pick him up she told me that for the last 5 weeks he has been saying he is scared to come to my home. 3 days later I learn he is in hospital under evaulation because I have been physically abusing him. I have had her mother saying alot of bad things in front of him, she even as much as said why dont i just die in front of him, what is the poor boy supposed to think when the people who look after him scare him in to not wanting to come with me. he prob feels torn by not up setting them so feels obliged to agree with what they say to him.
When he is with me he never talks about his life at home with his mum (Ibelieve that he seperates them in his own head so as not to upset anyone. I try to ask how erveryone is where he lives, if we go out for a day we always buy a little present for his mum but unfortunatley they just fill his head with rubbish about me and my family...... the worst is that it does not just come from his mother but his Grandmother is probably the worst. She used to ring up my ex saying she was going to kill herself because she had moved out of the home and in with me.
Yes I do agree PAS is real because I truly do not think that a 5 year old boy will change from loving his father to not wanting to come with me when we really do have fun