- Note From An Alienated Dad
- Parental Alienation
- Main Alienators
- Alienated Children Speak out
- 3 VIDEOS explain PA
- Cross Country Parental Alienation Awareness Tour
- I CAN'T BE A FATHER
- Recent Articles
- An Alienated Child's View
- FACEBOOK posts
- Alienacion Parental (Spanish)
- The Rejected/ Targeted Parent
- Books on PAS
- Memories of a Monster
- Judge Gorcyca: PA most devastating Issue
- Infamous Alienators
- Kick Parental Alienation's @$$
- Women vs PA
- The Step Parent
- Videos: Parents Speak out
- A New Hope
- I Am The Alienator
- It Happens To Moms Too
- Borrowed Content
- PA Movies to Watch
- Shared Parenting
- A Broken System
- San Bernardino Family Court
- Awareness in our Schools
Why Alienating Parents do what they do...
WHY DOES THE MOTHER WANT TO GET RID OF THE FATHER?
There is no clear-cut answer to this. In some cases the mother intentionally wants to get rid of the father, while in other case the situation just gets out of hand and drifts to the point where PAS just becomes one more step in the wrong direction.
A survey of FNF members showed the following variety of reasons. In many cases there will be several different reasons combined.
1. The mother wants to start a new life and wants the father out of the way. She may be more successful than he is. He is seen as an encumbrance.
2. The mother wants money/property from the father and uses the children as bargaining pawns.
3. The mother hates the father and uses the children as weapons.
4. The mother is possessive and wants all the children’s love.
5. The mother is jealous of the love/gifts the father gives the child but not to her.
6. The mother cannot cope with her own life. Contact with the father in any form is difficult for her. It is a common statement by fathers that the mother suffers from depression. Sometimes PMT, when rows are likely to flare up over minor incidents, and lead to greater hostility.
7. Disappointment. She feels he is unworthy to be a father and doesn't deserve the children
8. The mother is egged on by other women hostile to men. Typically if she is in a group of single mothers or a feminist group.
9. The mother uses access to control the children (if you don't behave then you can't see daddy).
10. The mother can't compete with the father who may be able to give the children more treats in the short time he sees them. The children may boost him at her expense, and typically demand more from her.
11. The children may be the only aspect of control the mother has, so she uses this control to boost her own esteem rather than for the interests of the children. This is the power motive more commonly seen in men.
12. The mother may still like the father and uses the children as a means of controlling him.
13. The mother may be punishing the fathers new partner indirectly as the father may know that he could see the children if it wasn't for the new partner.
14. The mother may be independent and never wanted a man around anyway apart from fathering her children (entrapment). Or she may have gained independence during the marriage and now wants to exploit it.
15. As often quoted, the mother may see children as a way of getting a house, welfare money, and other benefits. The father was always incidental in the matter.
16. Some women actually believe that men are not interested in their children.
17. The mother assumes hostility by the father towards her is also towards the children, so 'protects' them by keeping him away.
18. The mother has a different lifestyle to the father, and does not want the children to copy his way of life.
19. The mother may have no family of her own (typically foreign wives), whereas the father may have a family. The mother regards the child as 'her family'.
20. The mother may become emotionally dependent upon the child, and regards any affections the child has for the father as depriving her of affection.
21. The mother simply regards the child as her property, and sees the father as making a claim on her 'possessions'.
22. The mother dislikes the fathers new partner, who she sees as a rival 'mother', so prevents the child seeing the father.
23. The mother's new partner is the one who is preventing contact because he wishes to be seen as the 'daddy'. Or she wishes the children to see him as the new daddy to strengthen her hold on him.
24. She fears the children will leave her for the father.
25. She wants to prove to her new partner that he is the only man in her life.
26. She may have come from a broken family, and not be able to sustain a relationship.
27. The father is a constant reminder of the failed relationship that she prefers to forget.
28. She may be starting a new involvement, or having difficulties with the existing one, and doesn't want the children to tell the father about her affairs.
29. Her family may not like the father, and create a situation where she has to choose between the family and the father.
30. The father may be gay and the mother cannot cope with the situation.
Why? Why? Why?
There are many motivational factors that could cause a parent to want to alienate her child from the child's other parent. An alienating parent most likely has strong underlying feelings and emotions left over from earlier, unresolved experiences, which have been resuscitated and compounded by the pain of the divorce. The individual, in attempting to ward off powerful and intensely uncomfortable feelings, develops behavioral strategies that involve the children. The internal world of an alienating parent can have complex and multifarious origins which are beyond the scope of this article.
Alienating parents may not be aware of the emotions described above and quite convincingly may deny to lawyers and judges both motivation and behavior. Other parents may be aware of their angry or hopeless feelings and may consciously attempt to curb these feelings to protect the child. However, despite their best intentions to the contrary, these parents may engage in alienating behavior. Frequently, the unconscious or unintentional alienating behavior results in the milder forms of alienation of the child from the target parent. Nonetheless, it is important to recognize the concrete signs of alienating behavior.~http://fact.on.ca/Info/pas/ward02.htm