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April25.org: Bact to: The Documented Case
2011 Joe's Declaration
My declaration filed in 2011 after I was being kept from April the first time.
My name is Joe Barrow; I am April Barrow’s father. I have always taken pride in being able to say that Christine, my ex-wife, and I have an amicable relationship for the sake of our daughter; but the truth of the matter is that it has been amicable because I have catered to essentially every irrational request that has been demanded of me for the sake of April and to keep the peace with Christine who tends to have volatile and, at times violent, outbursts.
To say that I have been an involved father throughout April’s entire life is a colossal understatement. Our daughter April has always been the utmost importance in my life. When Christine and I first separated, Christine moved to the high desert from Running Springs. I followed by moving to Adelanto. Our relationship and the sharing of our parenting duties had remained amicable from the time April was two years old until recently, due explicitly to my bending over backwards to appease Christine’s every whim. This has been emotionally draining, but I would do this for April’s sake and to keep the peace with Christine.
Christine shows symptoms of a borderline personality disorder. I am not saying this to be mean, just stating it as a matter of fact. This issue affects her daily life and causes distresses in her personal relationships. Our family has learned from experiences with Christine to walk on eggshells and to choose your battles when dealing with her unstableness and inflexibility. Christine and her current husband, Michael, have both told me a number of times that Christine functions better while taking her meds, which are taken for mood disorder. Since I have known Christine, I have been aware of her personality disorder. It progressively got worse through her pregnancy and continued through post-partum. Her emotional instability was the reason for our separation. Her maladaptive behavior has marked her adult life and stretches across a wide range of interpersonal relationships and social situation; a recurring pattern that culminated in a distancing of her two (2) other children from their respective fathers.
I can tell that something rather drastic has happened to change Christine’s behavior. She is behaving as if she is not taking her medications. I have observed that her behavior has become more erratic and she is extremely difficult to deal with. During the past year and a half Christine has devastated my relationship with April by speaking negatively, interfering with my visitations and making April feel guilty when she visits.
Additionally, Christine and Michael are continuously having marital problems and have separated on a few occasions. They downplay the unstableness by referring to these incidences as just “drama.” It is not unreasonable to conclude that this continuing “drama” will cause emotional damage to our daughter. During one break up, Christine threated to take April and move to Los Angeles. This is typical of her irrational behavior. I would not agree to the move because I was literally involved in April’s life every single day. A day later Michael was back in the house. April has told me that she is not allowed to talk about the “drama” that takes place at her mother’s house.
I can honestly say that I was April’s primary parent for many years. For instance-I taught her sight words and how to read before she started school and have always been the parent involved with school activities including homework. I am the one who instilled in her the need for a good work ethic and the importance of attendance. I have been a participant or witness to almost every milestone that April has experienced. I was the one who took her to her first day of kindergarten, first, second, third and fourth grades. When she was in second grade I enrolled her in gymnastics. I took her to all practices and later when she started competing I was the one who took her to her tournaments. I am the only parent that has attended her volleyball games even though I live 100 miles away and her mother lives 2 blocks from where the games were held.
Towards the end of 2007 I moved to La Quinta, CA. I drove to Helendale, CA to pick up April every weekend. I returned her either Sunday evenings or Monday mornings to school. In the past, April had spent most of summer breaks and other school vacations with me. However, recently I have not been allowed to spend any time with her on school breaks and three (3) days into last summer vacation with me, April received a call from her mother telling her she missed her, wanted her home and questioned April’s loyalty to her mother. I have rarely been allowed to spend major holidays with April, even though these holidays are meaningful to me.
Because we provide a stable and nurturing environment it came as no surprise to us when toward the end of April’s fifth grade year April told me, my wife, my brother and sister-in-law, that she wanted to come live with me. She was very scared to ask her mother because Christine has a tendency to be volatile. She asked if my wife and I could talk to her mom. April’s fear was not unsupported; our family has endured Christine’s explosive episodes too often. Christine’s first reaction to April was asking her, “Is it Grandpa? If it is Grandpa, he is gone.” April told her mom that she just wants to live with me. At that point Christine turned her anger towards me and my wife, accusing us of manipulating her daughter and kicked us out of her house while cursing at us all in front of April. Her ‘willingness to share’ our daughter started to change from that day forward.
Shortly after, Christine started interfering with my weekends by saying things like April needed to come home early to take care of her guinea pig or do her laundry or she needs to babysit; things that were relatively inconsequential. This is characteristic of the retribution Christine imposes when she gets triggered and things don’t go her way. We all pay the price.
I have ALWAYS bent over backwards to get along with Christine. I have never created a scene or started an argument with Christine over our daughter. I have never been unreasonable or mean to Christine. I have ALWAYS tried to remain an involved parent and do what was best for our daughter. I could name hundreds of examples of being the only involved parent.
Thanksgiving 2010 my wife and I went to North Dakota. April really wanted to go because she has never been allowed to spend Thanksgiving with us. All holidays and special occasions we are held at Christy’s whim even if she has to work on that day. I attempted, via phone calls, messages to her current husband, and text messages to confirm with Christine that April could go. Christine never responded, and then was livid when we purchased tickets “without her approval,” we were unsure if April was going to go up until a day before we left. The following weekend after our return, Christine started saying I couldn’t see April, April did not want to spend time with me, and that I couldn’t force April to come with me. Then Christine made major changes in her life just to keep me away- she took April out of gymnastic on December 18th, the day of a tournament, completely cutting me off from the only time that I could see April. It has always been my habit to drive from the Coachella Valley to the high desert every weekend to her practices and meets. April is a very accomplished gymnast-she went to Nationals last year and earned a 2nd place on the beam. She also earned a 7th place medal in all around.
Since Thanksgiving 2010, Christine has only allowed me to see April on two weekends. April is suffering for it. I have received concerned reports from people in Christine’s community including April’s gymnastics coaches, teachers, and parents about April hanging out where she shouldn’t be, when she shouldn’t be, and is generally unsupervised. Additionally, the language that April has started to use is extremely foul as I have witnessed on Facebook. Christine has even complained to me in the past that April’s behavior and attitudes have changed for the worst, even though in our home, in gymnastics or at her school environment there seems to be no worrisome or inappropriate behavior. I have attempted to talk to Christine about a number of these issues but she refuses to discuss our daughter with me and has even told me to stop texting her, I am not permitted to call the house phone. I have no other means of communicating to try to schedule my parenting time.
On February 11th , I texted Christy to inform her that I would be picking up April from Gymnastics and offered to split the 3 day weekend with her, and in a second text asked her to please not interfere with my visitation. I received no response. We drove 2 hours to pick up April and watch her 3 hour practice. Towards the very end of her practice, Christine, her husband and their 18 year old daughter Kaylee walked in the rear door of the gym. In 5 years I do not recall Christine ever showing up to April’s practice on a Saturday. She sat 3 seats away and began reading a book. When April was done with practice Christine called her over, told April to tell me that she was not coming with me this weekend. Christine’s husband, Michael, and Kaylee looked over, childishly giggling as this took place. We drove the 2 hours back to La Quinta without our April.
Feb. 19th, Christine texted me that I had not made arrangements to pick up April. When I pointed out that I had in fact previously texted Christine and April that we were to take family pictures, Christine texted back that, regardless, they had plans, and that April would not be attending gymnastics that Saturday. We sat through gymnastics, April never showed up, and again we drove 2 hours back home without April.
Due to Christy’s unwillingness to share custody, and systematic attempts to frustrate my visitations, I feel I have been forced to request a custody change, although in doing so will further intensify Christine’s efforts to set our daughter against me. I would be more concerned if I did nothing and allowed our daughter to be raised in an unstable environment rather than a loving, nurturing one.
I ask that the courts take into consideration the consequences that April and I will endure at the hands of Christine because I am requesting a custody change. I would also like to request that steps be taken to prevent additional emotional damage being done to April by preventing further negative remarks made to our daughter about myself, her step-mother and her sisters.
I am requesting a 730 evaluation for the purpose of input to the court about what the best parenting plan would be for April. Christine’s household income has to be far greater than mine. I am student in the middle of a Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s degree program and my wife is a teacher. Christine is a nurse and her husband is a prison guard. I am asking that Christine be ordered to share in the cost of the evaluation.
I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California that the forgoing is true and correct.
Date: _________________
_________________________________ ________________________________
(TYPE OR PRINT NAME) (SIGNATURE OF APPLICANT)
My name is Joe Barrow; I am April Barrow’s father. I have always taken pride in being able to say that Christine, my ex-wife, and I have an amicable relationship for the sake of our daughter; but the truth of the matter is that it has been amicable because I have catered to essentially every irrational request that has been demanded of me for the sake of April and to keep the peace with Christine who tends to have volatile and, at times violent, outbursts.
To say that I have been an involved father throughout April’s entire life is a colossal understatement. Our daughter April has always been the utmost importance in my life. When Christine and I first separated, Christine moved to the high desert from Running Springs. I followed by moving to Adelanto. Our relationship and the sharing of our parenting duties had remained amicable from the time April was two years old until recently, due explicitly to my bending over backwards to appease Christine’s every whim. This has been emotionally draining, but I would do this for April’s sake and to keep the peace with Christine.
Christine shows symptoms of a borderline personality disorder. I am not saying this to be mean, just stating it as a matter of fact. This issue affects her daily life and causes distresses in her personal relationships. Our family has learned from experiences with Christine to walk on eggshells and to choose your battles when dealing with her unstableness and inflexibility. Christine and her current husband, Michael, have both told me a number of times that Christine functions better while taking her meds, which are taken for mood disorder. Since I have known Christine, I have been aware of her personality disorder. It progressively got worse through her pregnancy and continued through post-partum. Her emotional instability was the reason for our separation. Her maladaptive behavior has marked her adult life and stretches across a wide range of interpersonal relationships and social situation; a recurring pattern that culminated in a distancing of her two (2) other children from their respective fathers.
I can tell that something rather drastic has happened to change Christine’s behavior. She is behaving as if she is not taking her medications. I have observed that her behavior has become more erratic and she is extremely difficult to deal with. During the past year and a half Christine has devastated my relationship with April by speaking negatively, interfering with my visitations and making April feel guilty when she visits.
Additionally, Christine and Michael are continuously having marital problems and have separated on a few occasions. They downplay the unstableness by referring to these incidences as just “drama.” It is not unreasonable to conclude that this continuing “drama” will cause emotional damage to our daughter. During one break up, Christine threated to take April and move to Los Angeles. This is typical of her irrational behavior. I would not agree to the move because I was literally involved in April’s life every single day. A day later Michael was back in the house. April has told me that she is not allowed to talk about the “drama” that takes place at her mother’s house.
I can honestly say that I was April’s primary parent for many years. For instance-I taught her sight words and how to read before she started school and have always been the parent involved with school activities including homework. I am the one who instilled in her the need for a good work ethic and the importance of attendance. I have been a participant or witness to almost every milestone that April has experienced. I was the one who took her to her first day of kindergarten, first, second, third and fourth grades. When she was in second grade I enrolled her in gymnastics. I took her to all practices and later when she started competing I was the one who took her to her tournaments. I am the only parent that has attended her volleyball games even though I live 100 miles away and her mother lives 2 blocks from where the games were held.
Towards the end of 2007 I moved to La Quinta, CA. I drove to Helendale, CA to pick up April every weekend. I returned her either Sunday evenings or Monday mornings to school. In the past, April had spent most of summer breaks and other school vacations with me. However, recently I have not been allowed to spend any time with her on school breaks and three (3) days into last summer vacation with me, April received a call from her mother telling her she missed her, wanted her home and questioned April’s loyalty to her mother. I have rarely been allowed to spend major holidays with April, even though these holidays are meaningful to me.
Because we provide a stable and nurturing environment it came as no surprise to us when toward the end of April’s fifth grade year April told me, my wife, my brother and sister-in-law, that she wanted to come live with me. She was very scared to ask her mother because Christine has a tendency to be volatile. She asked if my wife and I could talk to her mom. April’s fear was not unsupported; our family has endured Christine’s explosive episodes too often. Christine’s first reaction to April was asking her, “Is it Grandpa? If it is Grandpa, he is gone.” April told her mom that she just wants to live with me. At that point Christine turned her anger towards me and my wife, accusing us of manipulating her daughter and kicked us out of her house while cursing at us all in front of April. Her ‘willingness to share’ our daughter started to change from that day forward.
Shortly after, Christine started interfering with my weekends by saying things like April needed to come home early to take care of her guinea pig or do her laundry or she needs to babysit; things that were relatively inconsequential. This is characteristic of the retribution Christine imposes when she gets triggered and things don’t go her way. We all pay the price.
I have ALWAYS bent over backwards to get along with Christine. I have never created a scene or started an argument with Christine over our daughter. I have never been unreasonable or mean to Christine. I have ALWAYS tried to remain an involved parent and do what was best for our daughter. I could name hundreds of examples of being the only involved parent.
Thanksgiving 2010 my wife and I went to North Dakota. April really wanted to go because she has never been allowed to spend Thanksgiving with us. All holidays and special occasions we are held at Christy’s whim even if she has to work on that day. I attempted, via phone calls, messages to her current husband, and text messages to confirm with Christine that April could go. Christine never responded, and then was livid when we purchased tickets “without her approval,” we were unsure if April was going to go up until a day before we left. The following weekend after our return, Christine started saying I couldn’t see April, April did not want to spend time with me, and that I couldn’t force April to come with me. Then Christine made major changes in her life just to keep me away- she took April out of gymnastic on December 18th, the day of a tournament, completely cutting me off from the only time that I could see April. It has always been my habit to drive from the Coachella Valley to the high desert every weekend to her practices and meets. April is a very accomplished gymnast-she went to Nationals last year and earned a 2nd place on the beam. She also earned a 7th place medal in all around.
Since Thanksgiving 2010, Christine has only allowed me to see April on two weekends. April is suffering for it. I have received concerned reports from people in Christine’s community including April’s gymnastics coaches, teachers, and parents about April hanging out where she shouldn’t be, when she shouldn’t be, and is generally unsupervised. Additionally, the language that April has started to use is extremely foul as I have witnessed on Facebook. Christine has even complained to me in the past that April’s behavior and attitudes have changed for the worst, even though in our home, in gymnastics or at her school environment there seems to be no worrisome or inappropriate behavior. I have attempted to talk to Christine about a number of these issues but she refuses to discuss our daughter with me and has even told me to stop texting her, I am not permitted to call the house phone. I have no other means of communicating to try to schedule my parenting time.
On February 11th , I texted Christy to inform her that I would be picking up April from Gymnastics and offered to split the 3 day weekend with her, and in a second text asked her to please not interfere with my visitation. I received no response. We drove 2 hours to pick up April and watch her 3 hour practice. Towards the very end of her practice, Christine, her husband and their 18 year old daughter Kaylee walked in the rear door of the gym. In 5 years I do not recall Christine ever showing up to April’s practice on a Saturday. She sat 3 seats away and began reading a book. When April was done with practice Christine called her over, told April to tell me that she was not coming with me this weekend. Christine’s husband, Michael, and Kaylee looked over, childishly giggling as this took place. We drove the 2 hours back to La Quinta without our April.
Feb. 19th, Christine texted me that I had not made arrangements to pick up April. When I pointed out that I had in fact previously texted Christine and April that we were to take family pictures, Christine texted back that, regardless, they had plans, and that April would not be attending gymnastics that Saturday. We sat through gymnastics, April never showed up, and again we drove 2 hours back home without April.
Due to Christy’s unwillingness to share custody, and systematic attempts to frustrate my visitations, I feel I have been forced to request a custody change, although in doing so will further intensify Christine’s efforts to set our daughter against me. I would be more concerned if I did nothing and allowed our daughter to be raised in an unstable environment rather than a loving, nurturing one.
I ask that the courts take into consideration the consequences that April and I will endure at the hands of Christine because I am requesting a custody change. I would also like to request that steps be taken to prevent additional emotional damage being done to April by preventing further negative remarks made to our daughter about myself, her step-mother and her sisters.
I am requesting a 730 evaluation for the purpose of input to the court about what the best parenting plan would be for April. Christine’s household income has to be far greater than mine. I am student in the middle of a Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s degree program and my wife is a teacher. Christine is a nurse and her husband is a prison guard. I am asking that Christine be ordered to share in the cost of the evaluation.
I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California that the forgoing is true and correct.
Date: _________________
_________________________________ ________________________________
(TYPE OR PRINT NAME) (SIGNATURE OF APPLICANT)