I pulled into our driveway, after driving home from my men’s group grateful for two things. One is my children. At times I catch myself, but for the most part I am unaware that I turn off the car, unlatch my seat-belt, and set the parking break in one swift motion and immediately I am in the house. I am either greeted equally enthusiastically by my wife and children --or—by no one and need to proceed quietly into the living room. My role is to act like I am surprised to find everyone asleep in the living-room. I tiptoe around them as to not wake them up, when suddenly,
"BOO!" “Boo!” And then a little behind cue, “boo,” from Sophie.
Sophie, Malia, Jaida, and mom pop up and they all erupt in giggles. "Bunch of Fakers!" I say and then I go on about how they faked me out as I collect hugs and kisses. I would say that this is the best part of my day, but there are so many more that I am blessed with that I could never single any one out.
The other thing I am grateful for is my wife, Tammy. She is my rock and guide. Offering me strength and direction. I count on her to be there for me and she always is. She always is.
Except, yesterday.
I walked in but was greeted by quiet hello’s. Malia and Jaida waved at me from the toy room. Sophie ran up to me and whispered, “hi daddy” and gave me a hug.
Sometimes Tammy will pretend she is asleep when I come home as well. She is a dork and a kid at heart and I love that about her. Someone once told me they love Tammy because she is so genuine, the real deal amongst other things. I agree.
My wife was sleeping on the loveseat. She was in such a contorted position that I was sure she was faking it. She couldn’t possibly be comfortable I thought. I said, “Big faker” and moved closer for my hug and kiss.
She didn’t move. It was odd that she was sleeping at this time.
Tammy looked pale. Where just days before she had been complimented on her tan she now looked a sickly white. I became immediately concerned. This was barely days after we had talked to Christy and she had said that Megan doesn’t want anything to do with us and that Christy was supporting Megan in any decision to stay away from us regardless of what the court order says. Then she placed Megan on the phone and Megan repeated the same thing. That night I stayed up all night. Tammy fell asleep on the loveseat at about 3 in the morning. She had been tired ever since, we both have. So, as uncomfortable as she looked sleeping there on a loveseat that even Jaida has outgrown, I decided against asking her to move to our bedroom. I know we are both emotionally drained.
And now I let my concern turned to indignation. How could someone do this? What is wrong with person that they could do this?
About 2 and half years ago I spoke with fellow alienation survivor who was having a support group at his home in area for alienated parents. He shared his opinion of the most important thing to do when you find yourself in this nightmare: take care of you. He said he personally ran all the time. Running until his lungs ached cleared his mind and made things bearable. “Bearable,” he said, “is the best that you can hope for.”
He had lost two teen aged daughters to an alienating mother. I remember thinking that my situation wasn’t that bad and feeling sorry for him. After all, I still had hope at that time and either way I wasn’t settling for a life of bearable.
I went back to check on the girls in the toy room. I love that they are all smiling all the time. They were playing house. All three of them will make very good mothers one day.
When I made my way back to the living room Tammy shifted her body on the loveseat. Tammy had been in her head the last few days. I could see it and resisted for the most part the temptation to ask her what was on her mind. When I do ask her what was on her mind, she simply shook her head, “It’s sick.” She says.
I wait for her to add more, but I know exactly what she means. Nothing more needs to be said. I fight the need to say which part because I know it’s all sick. It’s beyond sick, it’s vile.
I do worry about her. I have said this before, I think she is taking it harder than I am and I still think that it’s true. I have been keeping myself busy with putting together a website and gathering all the documentation and any examples of alienating behavior. It’s both hard work and tedious. Having to listen to Christy’s rants and sorting through years of text messages I have to fight the urge to try to make sense of the craziness of it all. When I see a text that says one thing and then she states the complete opposite you would think Christy would experience some cognitive dissonance and pause long enough to say, wait a second, that doesn’t make any sense. But that last part would make sense.
I don’t use the word "hate" much but, I hate seeing my wife heartbroken.
I remind her to drink lots of water and that she needs to eat even if she is sick to her stomach. She tried going to the gym to release some stress but she had a hard time. This morning she had an egg and a few bites of bacon before she pushed her plate away.
Later in the day, I was reminded her how everything was as it should be. Trying to convince each other that we will be ok. Talking about our girls and Corben helps. Corben. To say Corben is a shining light in dark times is kind of melodramatic, I know. But that is what comes to mind.
We try to focus on the good. Tammy slightly lifts up her shirt to reveal her mid-section and says, “and look.” I know immediately what she is referring to, I have noticed I have lost some weight as well, but not in a healthy way and it is not something I am excited about. She looks great but now I am a little more worried. She doesn’t need to lose any weight especially not like this. I smile and tell her she looks great.
Tammy did say this morning that she believes that she is the target. I agree and disagree with her. I know that I am the major perceived threat to Christy for some reason. But then again there is the way Christy seems to get pleasure out of the fact that Tammy and Megan’s once incredible relationship is gone. The way Christy refers to Tammy as “your little wife” with such complete disdain in her voice is so revealing. The way Christy says that Megan really enjoys spending some alone time with me every Thursday when I drive down to see her and then Christy adds that this is how it was before Tammy was around. The way Christy gloats and says, “I guess Tammy must not be the great mom everyone thinks she is if Megan doesn’t like her.” It’s disturbing, but not surprising to me. I know what I am dealing with.
But, the thing of it is that our family will be ok. I remind Tammy that there is always a silver lining. That we need to believe what we say to each other and that everything happens for a reason. I found my silver lining. There is more than one. It’s to appreciate all our children even more if that’s possible. It’s to help bring awareness to this horrible malady that is inflicting our children; the real victims. It is to re-focus on this issue of parental alienation because after our court custody battle ended I became complacent and let myself believe that my nightmare had ended. But I know now that it isn’t over and it may never be. Our daughter has said and done things that leave no doubt in my mind that she has been brainwashed. Christy has succeeded in destroying our relationship. The saddest part of this ordeal is that Christy doesn’t see the damage that she has done to Megan any more than she sees the damage that was done by not encouraging that Kaylee have a relationship with her father, and by doing the same with Josh and his father.
I am doing this for a number of reasons.
But one of them is this. I cannot be content with having experienced this and not doing something to work towards bringing awareness and eradicating this. I have to share my story.
I have a wonderful support group and I get inspiration and hope from wherever I can. My family, my friends, my men’s group and the many, many websites filled with thousands of stories very much like mine. I will survive because of those things and because of my wife and all my children. I will be alright. My life will be better than bearable.
But then there’s this, in my research of parental alienation I have found hundreds of stories eerily similar to mine. They are all equally heart breaking. I feel mostly for the parents out there, men or women, who don’t have a strong support group or the tools needed to survive this plight. The single mothers out there who have to live with a part of them that is supposed to always love them unconditionally but instead who loathe them. The men who had no one else in their lives but their children and now have to live their lives wondering if their sons or daughters ever have a decent thought about them. These tormented souls are in my prayers every night. I wish for them the best. I wish for them that they may find their lives, at the very least, bearable.
"BOO!" “Boo!” And then a little behind cue, “boo,” from Sophie.
Sophie, Malia, Jaida, and mom pop up and they all erupt in giggles. "Bunch of Fakers!" I say and then I go on about how they faked me out as I collect hugs and kisses. I would say that this is the best part of my day, but there are so many more that I am blessed with that I could never single any one out.
The other thing I am grateful for is my wife, Tammy. She is my rock and guide. Offering me strength and direction. I count on her to be there for me and she always is. She always is.
Except, yesterday.
I walked in but was greeted by quiet hello’s. Malia and Jaida waved at me from the toy room. Sophie ran up to me and whispered, “hi daddy” and gave me a hug.
Sometimes Tammy will pretend she is asleep when I come home as well. She is a dork and a kid at heart and I love that about her. Someone once told me they love Tammy because she is so genuine, the real deal amongst other things. I agree.
My wife was sleeping on the loveseat. She was in such a contorted position that I was sure she was faking it. She couldn’t possibly be comfortable I thought. I said, “Big faker” and moved closer for my hug and kiss.
She didn’t move. It was odd that she was sleeping at this time.
Tammy looked pale. Where just days before she had been complimented on her tan she now looked a sickly white. I became immediately concerned. This was barely days after we had talked to Christy and she had said that Megan doesn’t want anything to do with us and that Christy was supporting Megan in any decision to stay away from us regardless of what the court order says. Then she placed Megan on the phone and Megan repeated the same thing. That night I stayed up all night. Tammy fell asleep on the loveseat at about 3 in the morning. She had been tired ever since, we both have. So, as uncomfortable as she looked sleeping there on a loveseat that even Jaida has outgrown, I decided against asking her to move to our bedroom. I know we are both emotionally drained.
And now I let my concern turned to indignation. How could someone do this? What is wrong with person that they could do this?
About 2 and half years ago I spoke with fellow alienation survivor who was having a support group at his home in area for alienated parents. He shared his opinion of the most important thing to do when you find yourself in this nightmare: take care of you. He said he personally ran all the time. Running until his lungs ached cleared his mind and made things bearable. “Bearable,” he said, “is the best that you can hope for.”
He had lost two teen aged daughters to an alienating mother. I remember thinking that my situation wasn’t that bad and feeling sorry for him. After all, I still had hope at that time and either way I wasn’t settling for a life of bearable.
I went back to check on the girls in the toy room. I love that they are all smiling all the time. They were playing house. All three of them will make very good mothers one day.
When I made my way back to the living room Tammy shifted her body on the loveseat. Tammy had been in her head the last few days. I could see it and resisted for the most part the temptation to ask her what was on her mind. When I do ask her what was on her mind, she simply shook her head, “It’s sick.” She says.
I wait for her to add more, but I know exactly what she means. Nothing more needs to be said. I fight the need to say which part because I know it’s all sick. It’s beyond sick, it’s vile.
I do worry about her. I have said this before, I think she is taking it harder than I am and I still think that it’s true. I have been keeping myself busy with putting together a website and gathering all the documentation and any examples of alienating behavior. It’s both hard work and tedious. Having to listen to Christy’s rants and sorting through years of text messages I have to fight the urge to try to make sense of the craziness of it all. When I see a text that says one thing and then she states the complete opposite you would think Christy would experience some cognitive dissonance and pause long enough to say, wait a second, that doesn’t make any sense. But that last part would make sense.
I don’t use the word "hate" much but, I hate seeing my wife heartbroken.
I remind her to drink lots of water and that she needs to eat even if she is sick to her stomach. She tried going to the gym to release some stress but she had a hard time. This morning she had an egg and a few bites of bacon before she pushed her plate away.
Later in the day, I was reminded her how everything was as it should be. Trying to convince each other that we will be ok. Talking about our girls and Corben helps. Corben. To say Corben is a shining light in dark times is kind of melodramatic, I know. But that is what comes to mind.
We try to focus on the good. Tammy slightly lifts up her shirt to reveal her mid-section and says, “and look.” I know immediately what she is referring to, I have noticed I have lost some weight as well, but not in a healthy way and it is not something I am excited about. She looks great but now I am a little more worried. She doesn’t need to lose any weight especially not like this. I smile and tell her she looks great.
Tammy did say this morning that she believes that she is the target. I agree and disagree with her. I know that I am the major perceived threat to Christy for some reason. But then again there is the way Christy seems to get pleasure out of the fact that Tammy and Megan’s once incredible relationship is gone. The way Christy refers to Tammy as “your little wife” with such complete disdain in her voice is so revealing. The way Christy says that Megan really enjoys spending some alone time with me every Thursday when I drive down to see her and then Christy adds that this is how it was before Tammy was around. The way Christy gloats and says, “I guess Tammy must not be the great mom everyone thinks she is if Megan doesn’t like her.” It’s disturbing, but not surprising to me. I know what I am dealing with.
But, the thing of it is that our family will be ok. I remind Tammy that there is always a silver lining. That we need to believe what we say to each other and that everything happens for a reason. I found my silver lining. There is more than one. It’s to appreciate all our children even more if that’s possible. It’s to help bring awareness to this horrible malady that is inflicting our children; the real victims. It is to re-focus on this issue of parental alienation because after our court custody battle ended I became complacent and let myself believe that my nightmare had ended. But I know now that it isn’t over and it may never be. Our daughter has said and done things that leave no doubt in my mind that she has been brainwashed. Christy has succeeded in destroying our relationship. The saddest part of this ordeal is that Christy doesn’t see the damage that she has done to Megan any more than she sees the damage that was done by not encouraging that Kaylee have a relationship with her father, and by doing the same with Josh and his father.
I am doing this for a number of reasons.
But one of them is this. I cannot be content with having experienced this and not doing something to work towards bringing awareness and eradicating this. I have to share my story.
I have a wonderful support group and I get inspiration and hope from wherever I can. My family, my friends, my men’s group and the many, many websites filled with thousands of stories very much like mine. I will survive because of those things and because of my wife and all my children. I will be alright. My life will be better than bearable.
But then there’s this, in my research of parental alienation I have found hundreds of stories eerily similar to mine. They are all equally heart breaking. I feel mostly for the parents out there, men or women, who don’t have a strong support group or the tools needed to survive this plight. The single mothers out there who have to live with a part of them that is supposed to always love them unconditionally but instead who loathe them. The men who had no one else in their lives but their children and now have to live their lives wondering if their sons or daughters ever have a decent thought about them. These tormented souls are in my prayers every night. I wish for them the best. I wish for them that they may find their lives, at the very least, bearable.
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