Everything that I have read about the grieving process that seemed unbelievable to me at one time, I am now finding to be true. Its like I lost a child. I keep thinking about her smile.
I try to keep myself so busy that I don't have time to think. Her mother is in clear violation of a court order. Her mother threatened to keep her out of school if I showed up to try to pick her up at any time. Saying she'll home-school her if she has to. I don't believe that she would simply because April would not have that and that would be taking it a bit too far.
But then again, she may carry out her threat. She has already kept her out of gymnastics the last 2 weekends and completely took her out of gymnastics last year when we went through the same thing.
I am at a loss at what to do. I am not ready to give up on our daughter and I know that I never will. I can't.
On Thursday, I left work early, I cut short my last session with a client so that I can make it to Sophie's pre-school before her mother picked her up. I just had the over-whelming desire to pick one of my babies up from school. Seems kinda melodramatic, but I don't expect anyone who hasn't gone through this to completely understand.
I got to Sophie's pre-school as she was waking from her nap. She smiled but didn't run to me immediately. She wanted me to watch her fold her blanket and nap mat and place them back in their cubby. I told her how proud I was of her, what a big responsible girl she was. She smiled. Sophie looks so much like April when she was that age.
Isaid it before, Sophie seems to know when I need an extra hug or just a hand to hold. She grabbed my hand and held it the entire walk to the car, letting go only to get in her carseat. Then after I swung around to the drivers side she reached out her hand. I reached back and squeezed her hand.
My baby is insightful and has a wonderful soul. She was just reminding me that everything is going to be alright.