- Note From An Alienated Dad
- PA for DUMMIES
- Parental Alienation
- Main Alienators
- Alienated Children Speak out
- 3 VIDEOS explain PA
- Cross Country Parental Alienation Awareness Tour
- I CAN'T BE A FATHER
- Recent Articles
- An Alienated Child's View
- FACEBOOK posts
- Alienacion Parental (Spanish)
- The Rejected/ Targeted Parent
- Books on PAS
- Memories of a Monster
- Judge Gorcyca: PA most devastating Issue
- Infamous Alienators
- Kick Parental Alienation's @$$
- Women vs PA
- The Step Parent
- Videos: Parents Speak out
- A New Hope
- I Am The Alienator
- It Happens To Moms Too
- Borrowed Content
- PA Movies to Watch
- Shared Parenting
- A Broken System
- San Bernardino Family Court
- Awareness in our Schools
- Law And Disorder
Just one of the interviews we did on our cross country road trip...more to come.
Because the movie was Rated R, we had to wait until our kids were in bed. But it was a Saturday night which meant our girls get to stay up later than on school nights. Luckily, Sophie and Jaida went down relatively early. However Malia was a different story. We had to pull the plug on Malia’s reading at about midnight otherwise she would have read until morning.
Our 10 year old wonder child, Malia is nerdy to the core. She sees weekends as opportunities to stay up late reading or to do some reading. With her, Tammy and I find ourselves saying things parents don’t say to their children every day.
“Malia, will you please put that book down?”
“But dad, I’m only at 1,675% of my AR (Accelerated Reader) reading goal.”
“hmmm...when you’re in the White House, I want to sleep in the Roosevelt Room. Can you arrange that please?”
“The Roosevelt Room is where meetings take place, but if you want to sleep on the meeting table I’ll see what I can do.”
“oh...uh...umm...yeah, you can Go to bed now.”
Our movie, “We’re the Millers,” was over ninety minutes long, so yeah, aside from giddy, we were also borderline delirious by the time it was over.
My wife Tammy and I were on our bed next to each other. We had been talking about trivial stuff and re-playing parts of the movie over and over; giggling on cue at the punch lines. Like I said giddy. Delirious.
After our laughter had settled down, we continued to lay side by side, quietly smiling at each other.
“This parental alienation thing is some crazy shit huh...” I said.
We both started giggling and then straight out laughing. It was a much needed laugh and for a moment you would think that, like in the movies, it would turn into sobs as we realize the reality that it was happening in our lives at this moment would hit us full force.
But it didn’t.
We laughed into our pillows a little longer looking at each other and shaking our heads before breaking our into another bout of laughter. Both of us realizing how, “some crazy shit” is an understatement.
Delirious.For those of you who don't know, our family has lost our 15 year old daughter (sister, best friend) to a relentless campaign of severe alienation spearheaded by my ex-wife. She has been programmed to hate me and my wife and wants nothing to do with her sisters. Its surreal to even write that.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh,” Tammy says, yet plops her face onto her pillow to muffle her laughter.
“I can tell,” I manage to get out between spasm of laughter.
We are no longer trying to contain our laughter.
After a while Tammy uses her fore-finger to carefully wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes as if being careful to not remove any makeup which she never wears. I dab my eyes dry with my pillow case. Deep in our own evaluation of our mutual experience we both shake our heads.
It’s crazy. It’s that simple. You can’t reason this out. You will make yourself crazy. So we do this, we laugh; something which seems to come naturally to our family.
It was as if there is something humorous about the challenge that we find ourselves living through. Most of our friends and family have no idea how sinister and disturbing this experience is and, perhaps due to our deliriousness, we found this dreadfully funny at this time.
“Sorry honey,” Tammy repeated, but she need not be.
It helps me to laugh and laughing together -living together- is what constantly helps me.
Tammy put the perspective of the craziness that we are experiencing better than I could ever have.
“It’s like if you take all the rationalization, all common sense, and everything that we have ever been taught about what’s right and wrong...and how things should be and throw it out the fucking window...”
My wife cussed and I lost it.
I laughed even harder this time...all this craziness and add to that my wife cussing? This was too good. Too fucking good.
She was so right on and she wasn’t done.
“It’s the most bizarre thing.” She added, “Honey, I never had to deal with anything this crazy in all of my life...”
I laughed but not as hard this time.
It dawned on me that what she just said was true. It was a little too much truth.
What had I done? I asked myself, not for the first time.
So many times I had thought about how I brought all this shit into her world; into my lovely wife’s world.
I had exposed her stable world which was previously filled with normal, healthy people with this senseless dysfunction.
To those of you asking what’s normal? Who am I to define normal?
Normal is healthy and responsible behavior. Normal is being self-aware and keeping your issues in check. Normal is a sense of decorum in dealings with other, appropriateness of conduct, and socially correct behavior. Normal is doing unto others behind closed doors what you would do in public. Normal is simply not hurting people. Normal equals healthy equals doing whatever you can do to not hurt children.
But, I believe you know exactly what I am talking about so I am not playing this game right now.
Tammy’s world is where people are kind, compassionate, and just plain decent to each other, otherwise, they simply were not allowed to be part of her life. Period.
And they weren’t. I admire that about her.
If Tammy was a meme, it would read, “Normal people only, unstable need not apply.”
Perhaps that is one of the reasons I was attracted to her was her stableness. Stable is underrated.
God knows stableness is underrated.
Tammy has surrounded herself with the type of friends that are more like a healthy family. They are genuine people seemingly without issues and always there for her, for us, at the drop of the proverbial dime. Good people whom we don’t find or make enough time to spend time with. I Know. When we do get together we don’t want to leave them. There are good, unpretentious people in Tammy’s life. People who don’t introduce themselves by what they do for a living even though they have noteworthy positions or careers. People who know life is busy and don’t take it personal when we don’t call or visit. Tammy’s friends are what I consider normal, stable people.
So what do I do? How do I repay her for bringing this into my life?
So, Tammy meet Christy.
Hi, I’m a nurse, Christy introduces herself, oblivious to the fact that completing a 2 year nursing program doesn’t elevate you to the level of veneration. Nor does it relief that chronic feeling of emptiness or that imagined fear of abandonment. All the degrees or labels in the world will not fill that abysmal void. But she doesn’t know that. She is currently working on a doctorate.
She had actually showed up at the gymnastics meet, over-dressed, to meet --no, to impress-- Tammy. That’s how little Christy knows about stable people; they don’t judge you on how you dress or what you do for a living.
My --then fiancé-- Tammy looks at me not surprised that I was able to predict how the introduction would go. She doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t have to, but I know what she memes.
It would be downhill from there and eventually Tammy, out of a genuine self-respect, would refuse to step inside Christy’s home—but that’s a whole other bizarre story.
Normal people only.
Right about now and quite often I have this thought: What the fuck did I do? It is usually followed by this question: How on Earth do I fix this? I introduced this to my lovely wife and feel a certain amount of guilt for sure. She didn’t sign up for this when she married me. She didn’t sign up for this when she opened her world up to me and my daughter--her bonus daughter-- whom she loved as if she was her own. She has lost a great deal as well. I feel guilty because I want to be there for her as much as she is for me.
The realization hits me that I don’t ever fix this because I can’t.
During my graduate work on Marriage and Family Therapy our instructors, most of whom held private practices, would often share their experiences in the field with their students. One thing that always deflated my hopes of a cordial relationship with my ex-wife was when our group of future therapists were told by our professors that there was no way to help someone with a borderline personality disorder. Two of the more highly regarded professors had a more optimistic outlook, saying that there is some hope but the disturbed client has to realize they have a disorder and want to change. Problem is, there isn’t an overabundance of self-awareness among borderlines.
Since Tammy was a child all she ever wanted to do was to become a teacher. Then she discovered motherhood. These two things were so natural to her, she is so incredibly loving and nurturing, that no one could argue that she was meant for both. A normal, healthy, stable adult helping to bring up incredible, well-rounded, stable children. Perfect.
I am lucky to have her by my side.
We had stopped laughing and I watched my wife as she shook her head in amazement, yet still with that indelible, genuine smile on her face. I felt again that I owed her an apology and opened my mouth to deliver that.
But Tammy went on, “And then you add Christy into all of this...and all her craziness...I have never met anyone like that in my life! Honey, normal people don’t do that!”
Yeah, just so you know I was about to apologize for that before you...never mind.
“I know.” Was this the best I could come up with.
And then I repeated, “I know.”
I felt horrible again. Talk about rubbing salt in the proverbial open wound.
By-the-way, if there is any salt left over when you are done grinding it into my gaping wound, just peel my eyelids back and pour it into my eyes, then close my eyelids back up and rub the clumps of saltgrains into my cornea using your thumbs.
It’s okay, I deserve it.
No, now don’t do that. Don’t feel sorry for me or for our situation. First of all there is only one victim. Secondly, the truth is the truth. I did bring this into her life. Sometimes when she seems in deep thought I wonder if she ever considers that. That question comes to mind but if you know Tammy, you know that she doesn’t.
Still, I contrive idealistic and implausible scenarios where I could have prevented all this; the exposure to her and our girls at home. Our girls at home. I can’t even go there right now. That story will have to wait.
Tammy simultaneously interrupts my daydream and reminds me why I married her.
“Hey, like you always say, everything happens for a reason,” she says.
I want her to know that she is one of the reasons that I believe that and say it as often as I do. Everything happens for a reason.
She happened to me for a reason.
Look at where we are now; where I am now.
I have a beautiful wife, who is an incredible mother to our girls.
I have a wonderful life, albeit it is not without its challenges.
But isn’t that what makes it, like my sister Jackie would say, wonder-full?
This is a wonderful challenge I can embrace.
There’s a line in Sons of Anarchy, “There you go, finding a hidden advantage in an unfortunate circumstance; using pain to take you to the next level.” There is great potential here to take some evil and make some good out of it.
Now this doesn’t make it less daunting or tragic and I will be the first to admit that I could not do this alone.
I could NOT do this alone.
I miss my daughter so much.
It’s easy to say I would never take the course of the father, Derek Walker, from Durham who took his life, when I have a wonderful wife and 3 beautiful daughters by my side and I have attained an ability to re-frame things into a more positive light.
This helps as well; On occasion I will get an email, a comment, or a post about how my website and my talking about this has inspired them, propelled them into action, or gave them a much needed lift to keep on going. I am grateful for that.
That and an amazing wife by my side are some of the reasons it is easier for me to say that this is all part of a bigger picture, that there is a greater good that will come from all of this. Sometimes I see it clearly, other times not so much.
Sometimes when I am emotionally drained and physically exhausted from having to deal with a dysfunctional court system and a disturbed ex-wife, I have doubts. I wonder and I consider giving up at times.
But by my side is a companion who can step out of this atrocity, for a moment, and laugh alongside me at times when it is needed the most. To step outside of this craziness that is not only allowed but perpetuated by our family court system. To step outside and acknowledge that yes, it is tragic but we will be okay if we continue to laugh.
Merging the old maxims that if we don’t laugh we cry and that laughter is, at times, the best medicine.
So yes honey, things happen for a reason.
And yes honey, I am sorry for the introduction.
And yes, honey, you laughing by my side, helps me.
"Does it suck having to go through this when all you want is to have a loving relationship with your child? Yes. Yes, it does. We, the targeted parents, live in an alternate reality."
An hour after Kaylee gets started; I receive a friend request from “Megan Barrow.” For those of you that do not have a grasp on how insidious and disturbing this abuse is, this may seem like a good thing. What? His daughter is reaching out? How awesome!
Not so fast.
This is an example of where alienated parents have to make difficult, damned if you do, damned if you don’t decisions.
I know that this is not Megan reaching out to me. Furthermore, I know that it is something that Kaylee and or her mother are scheming or have put her up to. How do I know this? I have been dealing with this family for years. In the past Kaylee has been exposed for posing as Megan and engaging in text exchanges with me.
Furthermore, Megan has been ignoring my calls and text messages for weeks if not months. Saturday was supposed to be our first visit in months but since Commissioner Daniel included in her ruling that visitations are at the discretion of a 15 year old, Megan has cancelled.
Another indicator that this is not Megan is that at this time in her life Megan is preoccupied with other things and it is not likely that a 15 year old --in that household-- is going to activate a Facebook account and have her first post be and profile picture be a photograph taken 2 years ago of herself and her mother, Christy.
Additionally, the timing of “Megan’s” friend request coming only an hour after Kaylee’s attacks is rather suspect. And finally, guess who is the first and only person who has “Liked” Megan’s picture? Kaylee Godley.
So my dilemma is that if I don’t accept this friend request, it gives Christy Alienator Ammo to further convince our daughter, Christy supporters, and our family court system that I am unloving or don’t care about Megan because I didn’t respond by confirming the friend request.
But how far down the Rabbit Hole did you want to go?
Because as soon as this post is noticed, some additional scheming takes place.
Now because I have chosen this action, it will be claimed that I am way off base, paranoid, if not delusional for “assuming” such things. This will further justifying –in the alienator’s eyes—why Megan doesn’t want anything to do with me.
The alienator’s can now say that Megan has attempted to reach out and that they are exhausted from trying everything under the sun to get me to “change” and become...I don’t know...either the loving father that I used to be...or...not be the monster that I have become in recent months. Depending on which version of the events they decide to go with. So far I have been accused of both changing and not changing.
The other side of the coin is this:
What if I just accept a friend request from my daughter? Don’t think for a moment that I don’t know how insane it is for a loving father to even have to ask himself this question.
But the truth of the matter is that I then have to ask myself what kind of abuse do you think is in store for me? What will I subject myself to if I accept this request? I have not disclosed the abusive text and voice conversations that I have had from a brainwashed daughter. Why, because they are not coming from my daughter. Again, some of you will know exactly what I am talking about.
But then having “Megan Barrow” as a friend and at the same time freely protesting and advocating against this abuse the way I plan to continue can be used to paint me in a negative light if not by Kaylee acting as “Megan Barrow” then by an alienator’s supporter saying how could he post such things while having his daughter as his “Facebook friend.”
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
Does it suck having to go through this when all you want is to have a loving relationship with your child? Yes. Yes, it does. We, targeted parents live in an alternate reality.
This is such an ugly, toxic, and dysfunctional situation that anyone in their right mind would run as fast and as far away as possible from it. Believe me I would if our daughter wasn’t caught right in the middle of it.
The one thing I promised myself was that I would expose and speak out about this horrid abuse. So, I plan to do this. I will continue to share every bit of this poison thrown my way so that others will see it for what it really is: An insidious, vile form of child abuse.
Join us on Monday in a day of protest! Additional Information at end of story...
It included some irrefutable documentation of Christy interfering with my relationship with Megan. By the time our trial ended, I had 3 more binders and an additional 2 gigabytes of rebuttal evidence. Because, unlike Christy, I do have supporting evidence to back up my case and to debunk her lies, I don’t need to brainwash my own child to say what I want her to say.
Not just supporting evidence, but hard hitting, in-your-face evidence-- some of which was suppressed in one form or another by Commissioner Daniel, but what was admitted easily surpassed the criteria to be considered a preponderance of evidence in proving my case. The transcripts and the evidence from the trial will show just that. This was a no brainer, perfect for family court.
Our trial was 11 days total.
I told myself after every day in court that I would not gloat. It was challenging not updating my family and friends on social media with battles won every time I was allowed to clear up some uncorroborated accusations and outright lies. Christy stammering over inconsistencies, getting caught in lies (isn’t that perjury?) or admitted on the stand that they didn’t “do any real drugs” in her home, all this I met with muted merriment. At most I silently reveled on my drive home from each day in court believing that my daughter would be saved from this abuse soon. That Megan would be extracted out of the middle of this conflict, as common sense would dictate and a court-ordered psychologist recommended. That was all that really mattered to me. Megan is being tortured; pull her out.
I presented such a good case that Christy’s attorney, Diana Shropshire, asked for a mistrial after I presented my case.
For a moment it felt like my heart took one last thump and decided to stop circulating blood to my body. My extremities felt it first as my legs wobbled and then I felt like I was an outsider observing the court through a tunnel-like field. I was experiencing a parallel universe where logic doesn’t fly, reason is cackled at, and if you don’t like the way things are going you can hit the reset button.
Your honor can we just start over because my client’s malicious character is being revealed by this...this...truth we are all being exposed to. She’s choking your honor.
I really did expect Commissioner Daniel to grant it.
She didn’t. The blood rushed back through my body but still I was aware of being on wobbly footing.
I didn’t revel in any of my vindication for other reasons. I have learned from my own experiences as well as from the thousands of you going through this that these “victories” are short lived; just when you think truth, justice, or common sense has prevailed you are callously reminded of the harsh reality that this is a living nightmare. This is parental alienation and our family court system. Additionally, we were warned. Tammy and I have a well-regarded therapist in the area-a true professional- who prepared us for what was to come. When we began speaking to her about parental alienation she finished our sentences for us. She assessed we were dealing with someone with a personality disorder with us only describing a few of her disturbing behaviors. Then she advised us that even with irrefutable evidence and backed by top-notch attorney’s normal, healthy families don’t stand a chance. The parent most willing to sacrifice their own child wins. Our court system is not sophisticated enough yet to deal with this family dynamic. This doesn’t end well for you guys, she said.
My wife and I respect and love our therapist, but I did not want to believe her.
Commissioner Deborah Daniel mailed in her ruling. It is unwarranted and there are no grounds on which she can justify this ruling. She went from incompetent to vindictive; this is payback for openly calling her out on her incompetence, her lying, and bad judgment. If not because my website comes up as the top three results when you Google “Commissioner Deborah Daniel.”
Anyone who reads the transcript and the evidence submitted during our trial will see that this ruling has nothing to do with the facts of the case and everything to do with Commissioner Deborah Daniel retaliating for my filing a formal complaint with both the presiding judge and the supervising judge.
Unfortunately, instead of focusing and trying to do a better job in examining the facts she chose to use her position to retaliate against me. It is a transparent, self-gratifying attempt to strike back at me. She went from incompetent to vindictive. This is clearly overboard as there is not one behavior, conduct or incident that she can point to that would justify her ruling otherwise, wouldn’t it make sense to point it out?
What Commissioner Daniel (and Christy) does not realize is that I will be okay. I have a beautiful wife and wonderful children at home. I have a great support group and have a very good grasp of what is going on.
Megan, on the other hand, will not. She is already showing the detrimental signs of an alienated child being forced to hate her father. Megan will not be okay. The void in her life will have adverse ramifications throughout her life if not properly dealt with. Alienated children later have to deal with the regret of missing out on loving and fruitful relationships with an entire side of the family and the guilt of being forced to be complicit in the alienating behavior. Christy Garrison and Commissioner Daniel are hurting Megan. They are guilty of child abuse.
I presented a great case. Even though I am not an attorney, I am not an idiot either. Neither does the audio and video evidence lie. The transcripts along with the audio and video presented will irrefutably support the fact that this was pure and simply pay back from Commissioner Daniel.
She completely ignored every bit of evidence supporting alienating and interference and did this:
I am only allowed to see Megan on the 3rd Saturday of each month from 10 am to 4 pm. If Megan wants.
The court finds that the persuasive evidence demonstrates that father’s behavior, conduct, and obsession with parental alienation are detrimental to the best interest of the minor child and makes the following findings and orders are made in the best interest of Megan:
On Monday, February 10th, 2014 at 10 AM I will be protesting in front of the San Bernardino County Court house. I will stand there alone if I have to. It will be the last stop on our winter cross country Parental Alienation awareness tour.
I will be contacting the media. I will be holding up our banner, flyers and signs. I will be handing out information and I will be speaking with anyone who will listen and people will listen. They already are listening. Change is coming.
WHEN: Monday, February 10, 2014 @ 10 AM
WHERE: San Bernardino County Courthouse
351 North Arrowhead Avenue,
San Bernardino, CA. 92415-0240
CONTACT ME IF YOU NEED MORE INFORMATION :
Here is my e-mail: April25.email@example.com
Here is my cell phone number: 760-619-4770 leave a message or text if I can't answer. I will get back to you.
Event Link: https://www.facebook.com/events/650976531630721/
To say it was bittersweet would be a monumental understatement. I don’t think our language has a word yet that would adequately define the extreme range of emotions that I felt in those two days in November, 2012. Utter elation to hopelessness, then briefly hope; fear, a deep sense of loss, euphoria, then disappointment, anguish, heartbreak—but I don’t know if these words come close either.
Still, I would re-live those two days again in a heartbeat.
But I am getting way ahead of myself.
Because she was my best friend as well, I am determined to fight this insidious form of child abuse.
It is so detrimental and so very common. Yet it is often referred to as to as the most horrific type of child abuse that most have never heard of.
Below you can see the video of my first televised interview about our family's fight to be in our daughter's life.
Today we take off for our cross country awareness tour. I am calling it "Drop the Ball on PAS" tour, because one of our stops includes raising our banner in Times Square on New Years eve.
We plan on doing interviews with news stations along the way and also interviewing people. We will be stopping in front of court houses and landmarks on our travels.
I am doing this because I am done. I am done dealing with our deeply flawed, and incompetent court system, under-educated mediators, and an alienating, vindictive parent. I am tired. Tired of hearing of all the alienated parents, grandparents and even adult children who have gone through this nightmare and their endless, needless suffering. I am tired of having to wonder how this really affecting our three little girls at home who miss their big sister. But mostly, my heart breaks for our daughter who is having to live with a tortured soul that wants, needs, to love her father, but is not allowed to.
Regardless of what the alienating parent believes, their is only one victim, and its not the hated, targeted parent whom they are hell bent on punishing, the person who suffers the most from having a loving, compassionate parent removed from their life is always the child.
Please help support our awareness tour here: http://www.gofundme.com/5qu21w
(This is not a for profit venture, but rather a passionate cause.)
See the KESQ article here: Local father takes anti-parental alienation fight across country
PLEASE LIKE and SHARE...The COUNTDOWN Begins...
We begin our tour on December 18. The route on our way to Times Square will include the southernmost states (Arizona, Texas, Mississippi, Georgia...) and then up the east coast. I will be posting the route on our website. We will be travelling through the southern states. My family and I are looking forward to meeting some of you en-route, if you have ideas or know of a court house, news agency, or famous landmark that is on the way please share with us. We will be raising our banner, taking pictures, knocking on news agency doors--we will either take pictures out front or they will invite us in to do an interview. We will also be interviewing people about Parental Alienation. I began a list of the states which we will be visiting on the way there. A return route has yet to be determined and will be contingent on weather conditions. We are SUPER excited to continue our journey to make Parental Alienation a household name and recognizable for what it is: An insidious form of child
If you would like us to plan a stop at your location please leave a comment, send a message, or email us: April25.firstname.lastname@example.org
Read more/Go to info page...
This is what is happening now.
On November 13, the evening before our court date, (Trial day number 10 or 11, I lost count) I received a voicemail from Justice and Associates. It was a “courtesy call” informing me that Christy was asking for another continuance.
There was going to be another delay in my trial to get my parental rights re-instated.
Earlier that day I had also received a notification by mail from Diana Shropshire, of Justice and Associates, stating that she will be unavailable for anything during mid-December to January 4, 2014.
Great, I thought. Here we go again.
If you recall there was a three month break right after the first day of trial in July when Diana Shropshire needed to take time off from attempting to permanently remove me from my daughter’s life so that she could bond with her newborn. See Irony, Sick Irony.
On November 14, sure enough Christy’s attorney showed up with a doctor’s note saying Christy had surgery and due to her medication couldn’t drive for 3 weeks.
For now forget the fact that Laparoscopic Gallbladder surgery recovery time is a week, ten days max.
Our Commissioner Daniel disinclined to break her streak of incompetent calls, orders a 3 week continuance.
Another delay tactic?
Of course. After all, the holidays are coming up. Christy has a hard time sharing any of her three children with their respective fathers at any time of the year, but has an especially hard time sharing during the holiday season.
On November 29, 2013 it will be a year (A year!) since Commissioner Daniel took my parental rights away.
Commissioner Daniel had stripped me, and of course that means our entire side of my family, of all my contact and visitation rights.
Oh wait...scratch that.
I mean it’s true, but Commissioner Daniel seems to have a problem with my saying so or, at least, with me putting it that way. I get admonished every time I mention it, to which I have to rephrase it this way, ‘excuse me, you “temporarily” suspended all my visitations... a year ago.’
That’s right and if I remember correctly and I do because I have the transcripts, that was when Commissioner Daniel told me that I am not to be calling Megan and “bugging” her.
Here is the actual quote off of the official court transcript. You decide.
“So right now the only thing that's happening is any specific orders for your visits is suspended, you'll be in therapy with your daughter at least twice a month, and I don't have a problem that Meagan is permitted to have open telephonic access to her father, but the calls are to be initiated by Meagan. So you're not to be calling and bugging her, not to be communicating on Facebook.”
Tired of The Bullshit
I have had enough. This circus had gone on too long and at some point Commissioner Daniel had to begin cleaning up her mess.
It has been a year --a year!--Since my parental rights had been stripp...uh...temporarily suspended.
I was tired of the delays. I was tired of the bullshit. I was tired of Commissioner Daniel’s incompetence.
I asked for all my rights back. I submitted that this was just another delay tactic on the part of a disturbed mother who doesn’t like to share her children especially during the holidays.
I argued that even when not bed-ridden, Christy has shown an inability or unwillingness to monitor or to have knowledge of our daughter’s whereabouts. If she was going to be on bed rest and medicated, then our daughter should be allowed to be with me on the weekends.
I also went on pointing out that in Commissioner Daniel’s own words, it was evident that Megan has been less-than truthful about what happened in New York City (or what we call the Joby incident) and Commissioner Daniel has been exposed additional evidence showing that Megan is prone to exaggeration and outright lying especially when she wants to get her way.
Aside from the overwhelming amount of evidence showing that Megan was NOT traumatized in New York City as she claimed and Christy’s therapist rubber stamped in a letter. (Go to Megan Traumatized)
This is where it would help if Commissioner Daniel had children of your own, a smidgen of an idea of what teenagers from dysfunctional homes can be about, or a clue.
I also reminded Commissioner Daniel of the almost comical if not so grossly wretched fiasco that took place last week when Christy lied to get out of another lie in regards to where our daughter was and what she was doing. (see Big Bear Lie)
In addition to the fact that Christy was unable or unwilling to give a straight answer to my question if Megan had been suspended from school for fighting the week before. Her answer was the most indirect, purposely evasive, slippery reply that I could ever have imagined one would dare attempt in court. It was so bad that I felt uncomfortable for Christy. The judge finally had interject, to turn to her, and ask her directly, was your daughter suspended from school for fighting or not?
Christy’s final answer, well...I’m still not quite sure. The truth is that Megan was suspended but as even Commissioner Daniel now realizes, the truth and what Christy says can be two entirely different things.
All I know for sure is that I –my family—are requesting that my custodial time be restored. ALL of IT! Period.
Christy’s attorney replied about how it was my fault that these proceedings had taken so long and ...insert bullshit...because I don’t recall squeezing a baby out and asking for 3 months off to bond with it.
Christy’s attorney said nothing about Megan and Christy’s lying. What could she say?
So Commissioner Daniel spoke.
The respondent spent Thanksgiving with Megan in 2011...
No, it was 2010, the Commissioner was corrected.
Thank God, I thought, she is going to do the math.
I can’t believe she is actually doing the math.
Immediately my thoughts went to our girls. Are they really going to spend at least Thanksgiving with Megan, maybe more? God knows there is some time to be made up. A year’s worth.
Okay, Joe, let her finish. Go on Commissioner Daniel, yes, 3 years ago I got to spend Thanksgiving with Megan. Sure there was hell to pay and we opened Christmas presents with her the following March but okay...
And mom gets Megan on odd number years on Thanksgiving...
Yes, I thought, but remember Megan was kept from my family for over a year including All the major holidays from Thanksgiving 2012 and on....
Remember....just do the math commissioner Daniel. Do the damn math and start digging yourself out of this hole. Start fixing this mess.
Instead I realized that my wife was right.
Instead what I found, what I realized was this: Commissioner Daniel not only doesn’t do math, most of the things she does In the Best Interest of Children, simply don’t add up.
You can spend one day with Megan she said. Either on the 29th or the 30th of November. Since Christy has a doctor’s note that she can’t drive, dad must do all the driving.
Then she added, if Megan has a good time and wants to spend the night then that’s okay as well.
My wife was right, Commissioner Daniel doesn’t get it. Truth is she has proven that to me over and over again.
I tried to explain it to her one more time.
“Does this court understand that Megan is not able to...that she cannot call and tell her mom that she is having a wonderful time with her loving father and wants to spend more time with me. Do you understand what would happen if she did that? Do you not get that? Have you not listened to a word that I have said?”
Commissioner Daniel responded that she understood that this is what I believe.
I reiterated some of my argument but that only caused Commissioner Daniel to threaten to take away Megan’s option to stay the night and I got the feeling if I pursued it she would simply retract the whole deal period. “I can do that if you like?”
Either way, I got the picture. You will take what I give you.
But I also understood more than that. I now know that Commissioner Daniel is not getting it.
Things had been going great in court. But not being one to gloat and thinking that perhaps Commissioner Daniel was now getting a clearer picture of what was going on, I was hesitant to write and boast about it. My posts remained ambiguous and purposely neutral: “My wife is a great witness,” “to be continued,” “Prayers are working,” etc...
Things continued to go well for lot of reasons but especially because of the following:
Tammy gave perhaps the best answer to one of Christy’s attorney’s questions...
When Christy was reluctant to answer whether or not our daughter was suspended from school...
There was evidence consistent with my story and that showed Christy and Megan lying...
But still, this Commissioner wasn’t getting it.
I got the strange feeling that this incompetent cuss was getting ready to double down on her initial screw up.
That’s fine, but I am going to make it as hard as possible for Commissioner Daniel to justify leaving an impressionable teenager in that dysfunctional home and without a loving, compassionate, and capable father which is what our daughter needs especially right now.
On November 29, 2013 I may be allowed to pick up Megan, I may not be.
On October 30, 2013 one of the first things that I asked Christine Garrison while I cross examined her on the stand was regarding the whereabouts of our daughter the weekend of October 25-27, 2013. Of course she lied. But why?
October 30, that Wednesday, Christy was on the witness stand. One of the first things I asked Christy if she knew where our daughter spent the last weekend. Christy insisted that she was at home all weekend and that with the exception when she was in class, Christy was also at their home all weekend.
Are you sure, I asked? Is there any way that perhaps Megan had stepped out, without your knowledge and ended up in Big Bear all weekend?
No, no, and no Christy lied convincingly.
Two days later, after some fill-in questions Christy's attorney, strangely, began asking Christy questions regarding how she answered my questions regarding Megan's whereabouts the previous weekend.
I had been taking careful notes, but at this time, I stopped and placed my pen down.
It was as good as I thought it would be.
While Christy talked she couldn't help looking over at Commissioner Daniel to see if she was buying into her story.
I was barely able to resist the urge to stand up and shout, “Commissioner Daniel, welcome to my world!”
Instead I just watched amazed that what I have been dealing with for years was being played out again right here, right now, in a courtroom. Right in front of a commissioner.Commissioner Daniel called Christy out on how her testimony two days earlier was so inconsistent with the events that she was now portraying.
But did Commissioner Daniel -- the "trier of facts"-- get it?
It appeared so.
The more questions Commissioner Daniel asked the more Christy buried herself. Her answers were incomprehensible, vague, and left more questions than answers. To a sophisticated mind, someone experienced with personality disorders, or having dealt with an alienating parent, this moment was quite telling.
You see, I had forgotten that my husband had mentioned something about going to Wrightwood (a different mountain community) but I thought nothing of it. It wasn't until Joe brought this up on Wednesday while I was under oath and on the witness stand that I then wondered if they had gone up to the mountains. Funny thing, as it turns out my husband and Megan DID go up to Big Bear. Silly me. But only on Sunday. Hence my confusion.
Christy would occasionally look over at Commissioner Daniel wondering, I'm sure, if she was buying it.
Christy then added this and to a critical thinker you know what this is,
I have receipts to prove my husband was up there. So you see. I am not lying about that part. Sorry your honor. I didn't want you to think I was lying.
The court transcripts for this day will be priceless.
I could only hope that Commissioner Daniel with this obvious lie would snap out of the propensity of being easily duped and that this “trier of facts” would actually be capable of calling on her judicious skills to help her sort through the...umm...bullshit. Although, even without such critical thinking abilities at her disposal, this was such a disaster for Christy that I relaxed in my chair and probably let out a sigh of relief as Commissioner Daniel was exposed to the bizarro-esque antics that I have been dealing with for 15 years.
Welcome to my world Commissioner Daniel.
Christy kept on talking. I wanted to clear things up, she said, I didn’t want the court to think I was lying.
Yes, Commissioner Daniel, that stench floating about your courtroom, is a thick cloud of crazy.
Wake up and smell the crazy.
But instead Commissioner Daniel seemed to take a deep breathe, wave the fog of funk away from her face, and asked us to move on.
The next Trail date was on November 6, 2013 from 1:30 to 4:30 pm
Armed with enough evidence that Christy had lied to cover up her first lie, I was determined to demand that I have my visitation suspension removed.
It had been a year since we have been allowed to have any significant amount of time with Megan and this was a 3-day weekend coming up.
However, Commissioner Daniel, seemingly acting like co-counsel for the petitioner, had issues with the evidence below. (Click on link below or Here)
I was however allowed to question Christy about it. So it was introduced, kinda.
So at the very least, the Commissioner knows that Christy did lie, that our daughter was in Big Bear all weekend and that she was with a dysfunctional and drunk family.
What none of us know right now, and I am determined to find out, is what the hell happened in Big Bear that come Sunday afternoon. What I do know is Megan's friend Maddyson wanted some drugs to make her high enough to forget and why Maddyson was in fear of losing her best friend, Megan.
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The Barrow Family
Determined to fight